Super Bowl XLI
INDIANAPOLIS COLTS VS. CHICAGO BEARS
Last week: The Indianapolis Colts finally shed the big, hairy, sweaty, stinky, Loser Monkey from their backs and beat the New England Patriots 38-34 in the AFC championship game, thus earning a Super Bowl berth for Peyton Manning and the Colts. The Colts did not make it easy on themselves, falling behind early to the Pats 21-3 in the first quarter. But the Colts fought back the entire game, and in a back and forth fourth quarter, they ultimately prevailed with a touchdown run by rookie RB Joseph Addai. The much maligned Colts defense sealed the deal by intercepting little sissy-boy Tom Brady on their post-penultimate drive, thus rocketing the Colts to their first Super Bowl appearance since 1970. Thirty seven years. Just think of all the things, good and bad, that have happened since the Colts last attended a Super Bowl. The Colts still had hall of famer QB Johnny Unitas on their roster, who has since passed into the great end zone in the sky, and were still actually located in the cesspool known as Baltimore, Maryland. They had first pick in the ’84 draft and selected that whiny, sniveling, little cry baby bitch, horse-faced John Elway out of Stanford, who kicked, screamed and soiled his nasty diaper to get traded to the Broncos of all teams. In 1984, the Colts packed their horseshoes and moved to the exciting, thriving metropolis of Indianapolis, Indiana for some reason. They had good and bad years in Indy, coming in dead last in the league in 1997. They drafted QB Peyton Manning in 1998 out of Tennessee, who promptly took the team to an abysmal 3-13 record his first season. Since then, the Colts have steadily improved, and seemingly the last five or so years have missed the Super Bowl by mere inches. So finally, after 37 years, the Colts have a shot at the big one. Go Colts.
Last week: The Chicago Bears demolished the Katrina kitty-kit Saints 39-14 at Soldier Field in Chicago. The Bears return to the big dance for the first time since 1986, when they had such household defensive names such as “the Fridge”, and Mike Singletary. The offense consisted of players such as RB Walter Payton (rest in peace) and the annoying QB Jim McMahon. The coach was a much younger, skinnier, and less-irritating-than-he is today Mike Ditka. The ’86 Bears won 18 of their 19 games that year, and destroyed the weak and helpless New England Patriots 46-10 in Super Bowl XX. The Bears of today are slightly different…They have a coach with the cute little name of “Lovie”, affectionately named I presume after Mrs. Howell on Gilligan’s Island (?) The defense bears (no pun intended, but ha) some resemblance to the ’86 team, but clearly does not have the dominance they did. And, alas, the man guiding the ship behind center is an oft-injured, sporadic, consistent as a diarrhetic bowel, aptly named Rex Grossman. The Bears Super Bowl hopes rest in this man’s shaky, slippery fumble-fingered hands. Grossman played adequately in the game against the Saints, which is to say, he didn’t throw for four hundred yards and five touchdowns, nor did he totally fuck the game up for the Bears. The problem with playing against the Colts, however, is that at any given time, Peyton Manning can bust loose for the aforementioned 400 yard/5 touchdowns. If the Bears end up in an offensive shooting match with the Colts, it could be uglier than waking up after a Jagermeister-induced prom date…
Prediction: This should be a classic. The high scoring Colts offense versus the stingy Bears defense. The Colts run defense has more holes in it than a rusty colander, while the Bears offense has the official “worst quarterback to ever play in a Super Bowl” even though Grossman has yet to throw a pick or fumble a snap. Weather should not be a factor, as the game is being played in the sunny, scenic Miamigration, Florida. The Colts have the disadvantage of playing in the AFC, which everyone knows is a subpar, half-assed, weak and girly conference. The Bears have the disadvantage of QB Rex Grossman, who everyone knows is a subpar, half-assed, weak and girly quarterback. As much as I disrespect the AFC however, Peyton Manning deserves this, if only for the sole fact that he brought such a downtrodden and shitty team this far, without whining and puling about being traded like a certain, queer, homo-sexualesque, stallion faced Broncos quarterback. The Colts beat the Bears 27-24, with Colts good as gold kicker Adam Vinatieri kicking a field goal in the final drive. Sorry Jackson…You know, you really do look a little like Grossman.
Last week: The Chicago Bears demolished the Katrina kitty-kit Saints 39-14 at Soldier Field in Chicago. The Bears return to the big dance for the first time since 1986, when they had such household defensive names such as “the Fridge”, and Mike Singletary. The offense consisted of players such as RB Walter Payton (rest in peace) and the annoying QB Jim McMahon. The coach was a much younger, skinnier, and less-irritating-than-he is today Mike Ditka. The ’86 Bears won 18 of their 19 games that year, and destroyed the weak and helpless New England Patriots 46-10 in Super Bowl XX. The Bears of today are slightly different…They have a coach with the cute little name of “Lovie”, affectionately named I presume after Mrs. Howell on Gilligan’s Island (?) The defense bears (no pun intended, but ha) some resemblance to the ’86 team, but clearly does not have the dominance they did. And, alas, the man guiding the ship behind center is an oft-injured, sporadic, consistent as a diarrhetic bowel, aptly named Rex Grossman. The Bears Super Bowl hopes rest in this man’s shaky, slippery fumble-fingered hands. Grossman played adequately in the game against the Saints, which is to say, he didn’t throw for four hundred yards and five touchdowns, nor did he totally fuck the game up for the Bears. The problem with playing against the Colts, however, is that at any given time, Peyton Manning can bust loose for the aforementioned 400 yard/5 touchdowns. If the Bears end up in an offensive shooting match with the Colts, it could be uglier than waking up after a Jagermeister-induced prom date…
Prediction: This should be a classic. The high scoring Colts offense versus the stingy Bears defense. The Colts run defense has more holes in it than a rusty colander, while the Bears offense has the official “worst quarterback to ever play in a Super Bowl” even though Grossman has yet to throw a pick or fumble a snap. Weather should not be a factor, as the game is being played in the sunny, scenic Miamigration, Florida. The Colts have the disadvantage of playing in the AFC, which everyone knows is a subpar, half-assed, weak and girly conference. The Bears have the disadvantage of QB Rex Grossman, who everyone knows is a subpar, half-assed, weak and girly quarterback. As much as I disrespect the AFC however, Peyton Manning deserves this, if only for the sole fact that he brought such a downtrodden and shitty team this far, without whining and puling about being traded like a certain, queer, homo-sexualesque, stallion faced Broncos quarterback. The Colts beat the Bears 27-24, with Colts good as gold kicker Adam Vinatieri kicking a field goal in the final drive. Sorry Jackson…You know, you really do look a little like Grossman.
Chad's POV
Gotta love it ...
Posted by MJ @ 7:31 AM
3 Comments:
Yeah, but what's the point spread?
The current point spread is the Colts plus 7 points. Of greater interest is the over and under is 49 points. An interesting number. Right up your alley here.
And maybe a word or two about the running game. Jones versus Addai maybe? Both teams have two runners, well let's just say that for the moment.
Whoa. You know a lot about football.
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