how to loose 6 pounds in 2 hours
Well I can finally say that I am 90% recovered.. and 6 pounds lighter. I have decided that from now on when I want to lose some weight I will just have another surgery to remove another organ. My dilemma is that I only have an ovary and a gallbladder left..
I have met my surgery limit (19) people and I am not even 30 … I am a pro at it.. That I can say.. as I checked into the hospital for my surgery people addressed me by my first name asking “weren’t you just in here?” yep that was me … I was taken to the pre surgery room told to undress and put this fancy gown on. The nurse came in and tried to put the IV in 3 times she succeeded on the 4th try. I looked like a junkie. The nurse proceeded to ask me the standard 15-20 questions.. Do you have and piercings? What is your pain level? False teeth? I strive to be a good patient so I answered all the questions the best I could while wishing that I could have a glass of orange juice and a bagel. Then in walks another nurse and asks me the same 15-20 questions and says that she needs to shave prep my pubic area… I tell her that I am an over achiever in that area and will not be needing a shave job.. She seemed a bit disappointed.
I have met my surgery limit (19) people and I am not even 30 … I am a pro at it.. That I can say.. as I checked into the hospital for my surgery people addressed me by my first name asking “weren’t you just in here?” yep that was me … I was taken to the pre surgery room told to undress and put this fancy gown on. The nurse came in and tried to put the IV in 3 times she succeeded on the 4th try. I looked like a junkie. The nurse proceeded to ask me the standard 15-20 questions.. Do you have and piercings? What is your pain level? False teeth? I strive to be a good patient so I answered all the questions the best I could while wishing that I could have a glass of orange juice and a bagel. Then in walks another nurse and asks me the same 15-20 questions and says that she needs to shave prep my pubic area… I tell her that I am an over achiever in that area and will not be needing a shave job.. She seemed a bit disappointed.
In walks another nurse and starts to ask me the same 15-20 questions as the previous nurse and I tell her to go find the nurse that has a thing for shaving pubic hair. She knows all the answers . This nurse tells me that my surgery has been delayed two hours. FUCK now I really want some orange juice and a bagel. My husband is sweet and gives me the portable DVD player so that I can watch a movie. He knows the drill..
Finally they take me back to the operating room. it is so damn cold back there.. They put me on a bed.. and wheel me right outside the operating room. and leave me there. As I lay there I watch people walk by. I watched a cleaning crew clean up an operating room and come out with bloody rags and buckets full of human stuff.. I want the anesthesiologist to come medicate me NOW .. I am cold and I cannot watch anymore people come out of operating rooms with containers full of guts.
Finally the doctor comes .. I tried to sweet talk him into taking out my gallbladder.. I even batted my eyes at him and made kissy noises. He said no.. Damn.
He wheels me into the OR and transfers me onto the tiny ass table…. why the hell are those tables to damn small? I am not a large girl… I cannot imagine what it would be like if I was..dear god They take off my pants, undo my gown, ( no it was not a turn on) slap on the blood pressure cuff and in walks the anesthesiologist and just like that 2 hours later I wake up in recovery.
I would hate to be a recovery nurse.. I bet that I asked her if I could have a drink every 10 seconds.. she would calmly say “no dear, you need to wake up a little bit first” 10 seconds later I would ask .. can I have a drink? And again .. no dear… Finally after asking 27 times I got a sponge to suck on.
I had a giant cyst removed along with my right ovary.. A damn painful way to lose 6 lousy pounds
Posted by MJ @ 12:12 PM
5 Comments:
I'm sorry, MJ. That sucks. I hope you at least get good prescription medication out of this.
Sucking on a sponge grosses me out. I keep thinking about the repulsive sponge that I found flattened under the sink.
Blech.
Feel better soon.
The most I can ever get out of them is ice chips.
I can see we need to talk. You should get them to give you warmed blankets they have for the operating room. They keep the OR cold for the doctors who sweat like stuck pigs while they operate. You are supposed to be asleep and not noticing how cold it is. If you have to wait, they have blankets for you.
I lost the 6 pounds when they gave me GoLITELY so they could empty out my bowel to take a good look with fiber optics. They really lit me up. I was asleep, naturally. I hear they have pictures!
I'm glad you're better. We have Bombay Sapphire and vodka at my place when you're ready. Drop me an e mail and we can plan it! My word verification: qsuxit
That sounds dreadful, really it does. I'm glad that you're on the mend.
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