~PaNiC~
It is a lovely day here in Slat Lake City a comfortable 66 degrees.. and here I sit in my room trying to fight the panic demon that is trying to take over .. I fight the urge to throw up and or pass out from the shallow breathing technique that I have some how adopted today.
breathe in breathe out .. repeat .. oh MJ do not throw up .. I hate to throw up and have not figured out a graceful way TO throw up .. I would like to develop that skill some day.. then it would not be such a god awful thing
I am awaiting a call from the Dr today waiting to hear when my surgery will be.. will it be tomorrow? will it be Thursday ? dear god don’t let it be Monday .I can not wait and think about this for that many days… I am having a “simple “ surgery “simple” ….
3 years ago I had a “simple” surgery and I ended up loosing my kidney due to this “simple” surgery. I do not trust Doctors at all.. I like to get a 2nd and even a 3rd opinion on EVERYTHING because I almost died due to the fact that the Dr that did my hysterectomy had a flight to catch that morning and fucked my kidney up.. Kidney and uterus are two separate organs and kidneys should never be fucked with because if something goes wrong with your kidney you will never be the same.. EVER
As I am waiting for my little blue pill to start working the panic is still trying to take over .. I think the very worst will happen and I do not want to go into surgery with this state of mind.. you see this surgery will be on my right side ( the side with the kidney) right next to my kidney parts..
Dear doctor that I just met yesterday and have no idea who you are or even if you are an OK kind of guy or if you are catching a flight any time this week please oh please do not fuck with my kidney please ~~
Come on little blue pill do your magic …
Breathe in breathe out .. repeat
Posted by MJ @ 11:35 AM
11 Comments:
blue pill had better work.... good luck with the surgery though
take care,,,, breathe breathe...
ciao4now
Go to your cave...find your power animal! :)
Hang in there sweetie.
Love you,
Ro
Damn. I knew I had been neglecting coming in here to check up on you. Sorry about that.
As long as it's a different surgeon, I don't think I'd worry much. Still, best of luck, and I hope you're feeling better soon.
Sending you all the calm, healing thoughts I've got!!!!
thoughts are with you today.
Good luck, MJ. If I was religious, I'd pray for you. But I'm not.
(My power animal is the human, btw.)
Doctors scare me too. I'm always afraid they want to molest me.
I'm going to give you an Internet blessing, however. Peace.
Take it easy. Tuck the kidney up your butt where the surgeon can't find it. And don't worry about anything. I'm putting in the existential fix. It never fails.
Good luck. I hope you get to keep the other one.
Breathe in, breathe out, in, out, in, out....
It will be okay. You will be okay.
I tried to get a comment through last week to send my hopes that they fix what needs to be fixed without collateral damage, but Blogger wouldn't take it... GRRRR!
I hope that all went well and you're better, but I'll still keep trying to send good energy your way!!
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