Tuesday, October 02, 2007 All aboard...... This happens every year….I am not sure if it is the impending dread that winter is quickly approaching, or if it is my health, I really am not sure what it is but I feel very depressed. More so than normal ... I have felt this way for many months now and it is starting to take its ugly toll on me. Due to medical reasons (supprise supprise) I have been off my “mood stabilizers” since April. The summer time is my mania time.. when I want to party… have lots of sex.. get tattoos.. Have FUN !! Spend money like I have a tree in the back yard that is shedding 50’s . It is easier for me to laugh and smile in the summer time… it is the time that I am on my mania high… BUT ….It has been a rough road. ….. When you are bi-polar and un- medicated, the world is a scary place to be in. I read back through my blog archives and my posts have been random..bitchy… and.. .bazaar.. I find that it is hard to be a mother, wife, friend, daughter, co-worker in general ... a person… when I can never rely on my moods.. EVER. It is frustrating when I have this “condition” and my loved ones who are aware of this.. (I even brought home pamphlets when I was diagnosed).. and they still are SHOCKED and upset and hurt and don't understand when I have a mood swing. Or when I am in a bad mood for no apparent reason. I am not making excuses here… being bi-polar is no excuse to be a bitch… not at all… I just have no control of my moods… happy one moment … mad the next… happy one moment .. crying the next… Sounds fun huh ! Summer is over and winter is approaching rather quickly.. This is where the mania ends and the depression begins. I hate the feeling of being trapped… being trapped in an airplane.. being trapped in an elevator.. being trapped indoors for the winter.. YUCK…..This is the time of year when I get the “fuck it’s” …I get the hey .... I don’t really give a shit attitude.. I get the .. I am going to call in sick because getting out of bed seems so much to ask of me today… This is the first time that I have had to face winter depression un medicated .. It feels a bit overwhelming to me right now… because I know what is to come and it is bad enough WITH medication …. I have an appointment with a new psychiatrist in December… that is a long ways away … in the dead of winter… It seems like forever away…. I just want to stay in bed until spring. Posted by MJ @ 12:46 PM 9 Comments: At 3:31 PM,  Robin said... Seasonal depression does so suck...that coupled with being sick for three weeks, running my Saab into the back of a deputy sheriff and breaking up with my fiancee' made September a hell month.   At 10:39 PM,  The CEO said... Make yourself a light box. Get the brightest florescent tubes you can find and put them into a box and mount them so you can sit in front of them. Winter is when we have the least amount of light, and there is a gland called the pineal gland in the brain that needs the stimulation from light to help make you feel better. Go read about it. Sit in front of it. The disease is called SAD. I forgot what it stands for. You and your husband can build one in an afternoon. They also sell them for around $100. Do something nice for yourself. Glamourpuss knows all about them, probably knows where to buy one.   At 4:38 PM,  M@ said... I've never heard of someone suffering from anticipating SAD! How depressing! I am going to take a bong hit next.   At 4:40 PM,  M@ said... MJ, Suicidal chicks are hawt. Just don't take fashion TOO far.   At 4:29 AM,  Anonymous said... holy crap! Life sucks sometimes. Well, hell, most of the time really. I know what its like to hibernate through the winter and when first moving to New England, I felt almost like that redrum character. BUT, I can not imagine that topped with an actual depression. How about painting your walls in 70's rainbows and butterflies? My guess is it would keep you in a perpetually angry state. Do you think that'd be better, at least until Dec? Hopefully you'll get in to see that doc sooner.   At 9:27 AM,  MJ said... Robin- Thanks for stopping by… Sounds like you have had it pretty rough also !! I am sending you good thoughts CEO- Actually a light box HAS been suggested… I go tanning instead of using a light box.. it seems to help M@- I think that only I can suffer from anticipating SAD …I am glad that you think I am HOT :)I will try and keep my fashion in check !! My Reflecting pool- Great idea !!! I am on my way to the Home Depot to bet me a rainbow color bucket of paint !!   At 3:44 PM,  Anonymous said... [url=http://www.pyzam.com/profile/3327520]can i take paxil with wellbutrin [/url] [url=http://www.pyzam.com/profile/3327519]clomid for men [/url] [url=http://www.pyzam.com/profile/3327494]diflucan symptoms [/url] [url=http://www.pyzam.com/profile/3327495]lexapro side effects [/url]   At 10:20 PM,  Anonymous said... mainland a raffle cheaper basically a raffle of duty free goods so trashy lean to good high-ah continent tax [url=http://www.shanghaimassage90.com]shanghai escort[/url] Inasmuch as admonition   At 9:17 PM,  Anonymous said... WofHmzOuwHok [url=http://nike-nike-n3.webnode.jp/]ナイキランニング[/url] YmcHtbEedKks [url=http://nike-air36.webnode.jp/]nike スニーカー[/url] IpzLmfWnkMdp [url=http://nike832.webnode.jp/]ナイキ[/url] IgaTdbXboNpv [url=http://nike-nike-n0.webnode.jp/]ナイキ[/url] MqsLdkYlwDkd [url=http://nike-nike-n4.webnode.jp/]nike[/url] ZngLcfAloHiu [url=http://nike-air32.webnode.jp/]スニーカーナイキ[/url] PvjMmbAsjMkj [url=http://nike-air83.webnode.jp/]ナイキスニーカー[/url] YstXdjBwxTww [url=http://nike-nike-n2.webnode.jp/]ナイキ air[/url] YpfRxoXgjJbf [url=http://nike-nike-n.webnode.jp/]ナイキ air[/url] RymNjpDsxRvk FvmIqjLtqBdb [url=http://nike73.webnode.jp/]シューズナイキ[/url] ZdcTqmWasZcp [url=http://nike-nike-air.webnode.jp/]nike[/url] KksNueIsxHfn [url=http://nike-nike-air2.webnode.jp/]ナイキシューズ[/url] NcvXfzAwhLgk [url=http://nike-nike-air1.webnode.jp/]シューズナイキ[/url] HnbFdqJscMrq [url=http://nike-air9.webnode.jp/]スニーカーナイキ[/url] SrmMvhJhwMqu [url=http://nike-air5.webnode.jp/]ナイキ air[/url] VrrWfkIbiRbx [url=http://nike600.webnode.jp/]スニーカー nike[/url] WmwCvyCgtMpt [url=http://nike-air3.webnode.jp/]nike シューズ[/url] KdqAvtKcaLwj [url=http://nike-air2.webnode.jp/]スニーカー nike[/url] SutFjyJzbSxe OntEdoXkiHxz [url=http://nike-nike-n5.webnode.jp/]nike ランニング[/url]NueNglChjUee [url=http://nike-nike-n37.webnode.jp/]nike ランニング[/url]TecUlaJxyEgs [url=http://nike-nike-n8.webnode.jp/]nike エア[/url]ZuaUbzOvrLjb [url=http://nike-free-free-nike.webnode.jp/]free nike[/url]UglCkcVfrSpv [url=http://nike-free-free-nike7.webnode.jp/]free nike[/url]DmxBtoAclSal [url=http://nike-free-free-nike6.webnode.jp/]nike sb[/url] GqlQyfHkbRqc [url=http://nike-free-free-nike4.webnode.jp/]free nike[/url] MabKnpVlyOkj [url=http://nike-free-free-nike9.webnode.jp/]free nike[/url]DsaHesWevMiv   Post a Comment

MJ I am me .. that is all there is to it. I am Fun, Pushy, Unpredictable, Vain, Confident, Expressive, Patronizing, Pompous, Bossy, Courageous, Romantic, Dramatic, Loyal, Determined, Lofty, Stubborn and Exhausted!! Read at your own risk and Love it! Miss Doxie Jurgen Nation The Art of Time Suckage The Morning Meeting Certifiable Princess Chollyson Amalah Animal Mind Much a do about sumthin Alan thinks Tiny Voices in my head My reflecting pool Weapon of mass instruction www.flickr.com This is a Flickr badge showing public photos from adayinthewind. Make your own badge here. View my profile on NaBloPoMo