Reason 876 why you should always wear your wedding ring to Wal-Mart
We got all moved into our new place … thank god … I had removed my wedding ring in the moving process because I have already broken it 3 times … see how responsible I can be??
It had snowed 4 times last week and our north facing driveway was completely snow packed..
I needed to get some ice melt from Wal-Mart
It is winter .. In Utah … Ice melt should be by the FRONT door … but no…….
As I am making my second lap around the store .. I hear a man behind me talking to his daughter…
Man: We can look at the toys after I find the ice melt..
I turn around to find a man in his late 30’s sportin a full on mullet… NICE …… I say to the man … “well when you find it .. let me know” …
Man: sure thing darlin’
Ok so I hate it when complete strangers call me darlin’
Surprise surprise .. I am irritated at this point
I hunt down a friendly Wal-Mart employee and ask where the fuck the ice melt is in this store…
Mullet man is following me like a lost puppy
She kindly points me to the lawn and garden section .. you know the one .. where they sell flowers and garden shit in the summer…. That is a perfectly logical place to put the ice melt … nice one Wal-Mart
Alas !!! I have located the ice melt … I am about to grab a 50 pound bag when ….. WAIT……
Mullet man thinks that I am unable to lift an absurd 50 lb bag of ice melt.. he rushes around me and picks up the bag and places it in my cart…
Me: thank you
Man: you are very welcome baby doll….
What the fuck did you just call me ??? ( ok so I did not say it but I totally thought it)
I leave the lawn and garden section and grab some other needed items… and head to the check out
As I am standing in line … I hear a man talking to his daughter… I turn around and it is none other than dun da na naaaa mullet man…
Him: Hey... if you want me to follow you out to your car.. I can help you put the ice melt in your trunk…
Then rape and kill you …. No he did not say that .. but he was thinking it … :)
Me: I have got it thanks
Him: Well a pretty girl like you should not have to lift that heavy bag
Me: Famous “fuck you” look and nervous laughter
Him: My name is Don and this is my daughter Lexy
Me: My name is MJ and I have 14 children…. I think I can manage a 50 lb bag of ice melt… Thanks
I swear if I see him on Americas Most Wanted I totally will call for the reward money …
Posted by MJ @ 6:40 AM
6 Comments:
I would have just referred to you as "little lady" and left it at that.
A full on Mullet? Baby Doll??? heheee! Good answer, 14 kids, hehe.
I wonder if he had to borrow the kid?
LOL CEO has a point.
What you need is a Canadian Tire store. They always have the ice melt at the front.
Ahem... not ALL guys wearing a "full on mullet" are psychos who refer to strange allegedly encumbered beautiful (allegedly encumbered, not allegedly beautiful) women as "baby doll" or "darlin'".
I have been "business up front - party in the back" for about 30 years now with the exception of when I shaved my head following the death of my grandfather. I'm a nice guy. I'm normal.
OOh! I would have been just as pissed! Your comeback was so funny. Good for you.
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