Thursday, January 03, 2008

Reason 876 why you should always wear your wedding ring to Wal-Mart

We got all moved into our new place … thank god … I had removed my wedding ring in the moving process because I have already broken it 3 times … see how responsible I can be??

It had snowed 4 times last week and our north facing driveway was completely snow packed..

I needed to get some ice melt from Wal-Mart

It is winter .. In Utah … Ice melt should be by the FRONT door … but no…….

As I am making my second lap around the store .. I hear a man behind me talking to his daughter…

Man: We can look at the toys after I find the ice melt..

I turn around to find a man in his late 30’s sportin a full on mullet… NICE …… I say to the man … “well when you find it .. let me know” …

Man: sure thing darlin’

Ok so I hate it when complete strangers call me darlin’

Surprise surprise .. I am irritated at this point

I hunt down a friendly Wal-Mart employee and ask where the fuck the ice melt is in this store…
Mullet man is following me like a lost puppy

She kindly points me to the lawn and garden section .. you know the one .. where they sell flowers and garden shit in the summer…. That is a perfectly logical place to put the ice melt … nice one Wal-Mart

Alas !!! I have located the ice melt … I am about to grab a 50 pound bag when ….. WAIT……
Mullet man thinks that I am unable to lift an absurd 50 lb bag of ice melt.. he rushes around me and picks up the bag and places it in my cart…

Me: thank you

Man: you are very welcome baby doll….

What the fuck did you just call me ??? ( ok so I did not say it but I totally thought it)

I leave the lawn and garden section and grab some other needed items… and head to the check out

As I am standing in line … I hear a man talking to his daughter… I turn around and it is none other than dun da na naaaa mullet man…

Him: Hey... if you want me to follow you out to your car.. I can help you put the ice melt in your trunk…

Then rape and kill you …. No he did not say that .. but he was thinking it … :)

Me: I have got it thanks

Him: Well a pretty girl like you should not have to lift that heavy bag

Me: Famous “fuck you” look and nervous laughter

Him: My name is Don and this is my daughter Lexy

Me: My name is MJ and I have 14 children…. I think I can manage a 50 lb bag of ice melt… Thanks

I swear if I see him on Americas Most Wanted I totally will call for the reward money …


6 Comments:

At 3:27 PM, Blogger M@ said...

I would have just referred to you as "little lady" and left it at that.

 
At 6:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A full on Mullet? Baby Doll??? heheee! Good answer, 14 kids, hehe.

 
At 8:58 PM, Blogger The CEO said...

I wonder if he had to borrow the kid?

 
At 10:44 AM, Blogger Echomouse said...

LOL CEO has a point.

What you need is a Canadian Tire store. They always have the ice melt at the front.

 
At 9:16 AM, Blogger James Lindsay said...

Ahem... not ALL guys wearing a "full on mullet" are psychos who refer to strange allegedly encumbered beautiful (allegedly encumbered, not allegedly beautiful) women as "baby doll" or "darlin'".

I have been "business up front - party in the back" for about 30 years now with the exception of when I shaved my head following the death of my grandfather. I'm a nice guy. I'm normal.

 
At 11:07 AM, Blogger Lost In Splendor said...

OOh! I would have been just as pissed! Your comeback was so funny. Good for you.

 

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