A Day in the WIND: December 2008

A little interaction with co workers is never a bad thing .. right ??
Here is how the conversation went down,

Observer: Mariah, are you going to the office Christmas party?
Me: I’m not sure, do you know what they are having to eat?
Observer: Well I’m thinking they will have red meat, some chicken and a vegetarian dish
Me: ‘Oh good .. Yeah I’m thinking about going
Office bitch: What do you care?? you are so skinny and have no ass!! (said all bitch like)
Me: Well I would rather have no ass than be ALL ass… like you
Observer: Oh shit !! (offers up a nervous laugh) then Hey.. so my husband is getting me a tattoo for Christmas !! I’m so excited
(Some tattoo discussion takes place between observer and I)
Office bitch: Oh I have always wanted a tattoo .. I want a dragonfly on the small of my back
Me: Oh you mean a tramp stamp?
Office Bitch: (all butt hurt) UM NOOOO gawwdd …that’s rude
Me: Um honey, you are not the first girl to think of getting a tattoo there, I have one myself and they are called tramp stamps.. get over it
Observer: again with some nervous laughter
Office bitch: The only thing that has stopped me from getting one there is that my ass crack goes way far up my back .. more than the average person I think …

Wait for it ……………………………………………

Me: giving a whole new meaning to you being ALL ass.

That was fun….

Thanks come again

6 am at the local gas station.. I stop in to get me a pack of camel lights, some coffee and a juice. It’s early and I am feeling groggy from the sleeping pills I took the night before I’m wearing my usual day job attir, torn jeans, sweat shirt and my oversized UTES coat. As I am standing in front of the juice cooler, trying to decide if I feel like cranberry, apple or orange…. this man in a suit approaches me and stands directly behind me.

Um NOT SO MCUH asshole… this girl has a personal space issue .. back the fuck up !!
I glance over at the table of the old coffee drinker regulars... I think they can see the panic in my eyes..

I fake a smile and say to the man …
“Good morning”
….
And get nothing in return.
um....
Then I say …
“I know it’s early man, but SPEAK and get the hell out of my personal space. .. You are starting to freak me out.”

He steps back and says “You have beautiful hair, so shinny”…

Ok now at this point I am giving my signature “what the fuck” look

He leans forward, takes a exaggerated whiff of my hair, and says…

“GOD you smell great !! ... What a great way to start my morning”

What the fuck???

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

You wanna take a go with me huh ?

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

A freak in every place ..