Pickin’
To the man that was walking down the busy street yesterday around 4 pm
It is NOT ok to pick (dig in) your ass and then your nose while walking down the street EVER !!
You made me throw up a little
this is ....
The next time I answer the phone and say “this is Mariah” and the person on the other end says “Maria???” My brain will hemorrhage and my eyeballs will explode .. I swear it
I don’t want to grow up ….
 Remember when mom told you that you should enjoy your youth because it will be gone before you know it and all that you could think was what the hell do you know about being a youth? You are 200 years old .. it sucks .. I just want to do whatever I want when I want it and if I want to go to Amy’s house I can drive my damn self??
One night I was planning on sneaking out after my parents went to bed.. I spent hours getting ready hair.. makeup.. clothes… It was getting late and I was ready to make the big escape when mom poked her head in to say goodnight .. SHIT .. !!!..!!!
Mom.. Why are you all dressed up ?
Me.. UM
Me.. well tomorrow is picture day at school I am just trying out different looks to make sure that I look extra good tomorrow
I am a genius !!!
Once I had a great epiphany
if I burned incense while I was smoking in my room with the window cracked …then no one would know because the incense would hide the smell ….so I lit up the incense then lit up my smoke … smoking so fast that the cherry was two inches long (that is no way to smoke.. unless you are 14) I had just put out my smoke when in walks mom
Mom.. what is that smell ?
as she is trying to locate me in the smoke filled room….
Me.. I um ….just lit this incense and it is the match that you are smelling
Mom.. Do you think that I was born yesterday?
Me. Nope
Mom.. then what is that smell
Me.. well if you were not just born yesterday then you know what it is
Mom.. you are grounded .. something …something….. something
I kinda blocked out the rest
Also being an only child sucks because you have not one other person to blame things on …not one
Dad…Who drank all this Jack Daniels ?
Me.. I don’t know
Dad.. Did you drink it ?
Me.. No
Dad… well I did not drink it and your mom did not drink it so that only leaves you
Me thinking ….. I am FUCKED
Make your bed
We went out to dinner with my great aunt the other night and after dinner, we all sat around telling stories about our childhood ..
My grandma had 2 sisters and only the oldest is still living. Grandma’s youngest sister was a funny lady, grandma was the prim and proper middle sister and her oldest sister was and still is the boss.
My great aunt told a story about how when they were growing up, they only had 2 bedrooms (one for mom and dad and one for the three girls) the girls would rotate every week.. two would sleep in the bedroom and one would sleep on the fold out bed in the living room. It was the younger sisters week to sleep in the living room.. younger sister was not the cleanest and one morning mom got very angry with her and told her to make the bed and fold it up. Younger sister started jumping on the pull out bed....... After throwing her small but to the point fit, she hurriedly made the bed and went to school. The week went on as usual.. THREE days later, when the girls got home from school mom asked the girls what that smell was … everyone looked at baby sister as she was the trouble maker and for sure it had to be something that she had done. After searching the house they came to the fold out bed in the living room. There folded up in the bed was the pet cat. Younger sister was never scolded for not making her bed again
Moral of the story ….. no need to make your bed, you are just going to get back in it …and keep an eye on the cat !!!
Poor damn cat
Don't look
Why am I wearing the pants that my ass hangs out of today ???? .. My “tramp stamp” and “whale tail” are BOTH showing today !!! Note to self .. do not wear these jeans to work again
What is that smell ?
The office restroom is nasty …. I get here early and the bathroom is fresh and clean however around noon it starts to smell like ass in there. Now I know what takes place in the bathroom but my god girls.. When I go into a public restroom I try to pick out the stall that is the least used.. Sometimes it is a bit difficult.. do you pick the one on the very end? .. the middle?.. closest to the door?..it is a very tough decision .. once I have a stall picked out, there are a few more things that need to be checked .. is there is any sign that someone just took a shit in that stall.. a pube on the seat.. pee on the seat.. toilet seat cover on the seat.. toilet not flushed… if any of these things are present then I will not use that stall. It is a very precise process. There are a few women that work in the building that if I see them enter the restroom, I cannot go in until the toxic acidic yeasty putrid damp air clears.. people it is bad.. how can anything smell that bad? Serious how could you not know that your personal space is rotting or growing something ?? do they grow accustom to the smell that they are omitting ?? also they are loud shitters.. I understand that if you got to go you got to go.. but my god some of these gals sound like they are sitting on a flat rock just letting them rip.. that is fine at home but not here at work… sometimes I have to breathe into my sleeve then emerge from the restroom with my eyes watering makeup all smeared and retching..
WHY ???
Tastes like a chicken
When his chickens started disappearing a few weeks ago, a farmer in eastern India figured dogs or jackals were to blame - until he discovered his calf making a meal of his poultry.Moloy, who uses only one name, and his 1-year-old calf have since become local celebrities, with the carnivorous cow appearing on television in India's West Bengal state and hundreds of people flocking to see them in Chandipur, a village 145 miles southwest of Calcutta, the state capital.
"To catch the culprit, Moloy got up very early ... and to his disbelief found that it was his calf which came out from the cow shed and was eating the chickens alive," Debjyoti Chatterjee, a local resident who filmed the calf eating a chicken, said Thursday.The local veterinarian was at a loss for an explanation."I've never read or heard about cows turning carnivorous," said Mihir Tripathy. "They eat grass and other vegetarian food but not fish or other non-vegetarian stuff."
WHAT THE HELL ????
It is what I got ….
I have a child that has the flu AND pneumonia, a husband that is recovering from the flu and another child that is catching the flu………
That is all that I have got .. I can’t even put a few words together on a page that make any kind of sense.
~ Someone please bring me a drink !!!
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MJ
I am me .. that is all there is to it.
I am Fun, Pushy, Unpredictable, Vain, Confident, Expressive, Patronizing, Pompous, Bossy, Courageous, Romantic, Dramatic, Loyal, Determined, Lofty, Stubborn and Exhausted!!
Read at your own risk and Love it!
Miss Doxie
Jurgen Nation
The Art of Time Suckage
The Morning Meeting
Certifiable Princess
Chollyson
Amalah
Animal Mind
Much a do about sumthin
Alan thinks
Tiny Voices in my head
My reflecting pool
Weapon of mass instruction
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