A Day in the WIND: October 2006

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Meme

What the hell is a Meme?? Oh well here is my latest ...

1. What kind of shirt are you wearing?

Tank Top

2. Would you kiss anyone on your blogroll?

Hell ya

3. Do you have a "thing" for anyone on your blogroll?

Yup

4. How many people on your blogroll do you know in real life?

5. How many kids do you want to have?

I have 3 kids no more thanks

6. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

Yep .. even with the in-laws Ü

7. What name would you want besides the one you have?

The one I got is great !!! Just don’t sing to me is all I ask

8. What did you do for your last birthday?

Good ol’ BBQ

9. What's your current ringtone on your phone?

Bump n’ grind

10. What do you think when you get meme's with missing questions?

Who fucked this up?

11. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Reading in bed

12.Where is the furthest place you've ever called to talk to someone?

Was in Florida and Called hubby in Hawaii … God I missed him

13. Do you like having your hair pulled?

Yep …In the right situations

14. Name something you CANNOT wait to do?

I’m impatient…I CANNOT wait to do most things

15. Last time you saw your dad?

About 2 weeks ago Need to visit again SOON

16. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?

To be healthier

17. What is your favorite board game?

Life

18. Do you have a pimp name?

Ummmm not the last time I checked ..

19. Have you ever talked to Tom (from MySpace)?

Who the hell is Tom?

20. What's the last thing you ate?

Pepper jack cheese

21. Favorite month?

August

22. Least favorite month?

February (Tired of the snow by then)

23. What's the last piece of clothing you borrowed from anyone?

A fancy pair of boots

24. Who's getting on your nerves right now?

Who isn’t on my nerves ?

25. Most visited Web page?

Yahoo

26. Do you ever sleep in the nude?

Nope Hate when my boobs touch my arms .. T shit’s for me

27. What is the strangest thing you have in your purse or wallet?

Home phone (total accident)

28. Last person to make you sad?

Myself

29. Would you help your best friend fight if he/she is losing?

Yep

30. Coke or Pepsi?

Coke

31. Do you have a crush?

Shit ..am I still in high school ?? Yes I have a major crush on my hubby

32. Have you kissed or been kissed by anyone in the past week?

Yes

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Friday, October 27, 2006

ohh just one more time cuz he is SO damn sexy !!!

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Thursday, October 26, 2006

Feelings

This is what I feel like .... now

This is what I WANT to feel like ....

Can you see the amazing transformation ??

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Rolling Stones???

Here is my week ( from hell ) oh and is it Thursday ??? in a nut shell

Monday – migraine from hell .. My brain was swelling and my skull would not allow it to expand any further so the pressure in my head was excruciating .. I took my little dissolve under your tongue migraine pills and tried to sleep it off.. did not work .. so then I just started to take random pills and cough syrup to try to alleviate the pain .. the doctor tells me that this is not the greatest plan to rid myself of migraines but if it was her that had a migraine that was about to kill her then I am sure that she would self medicate too..

Tuesday- delivered puppies.. now that is always a joy for me .. I love animals and in a different life I am sure that I was supposto be a veterinarian. First puppy born at 11 pm Tuesday last puppy born at 8 am Wednesday ..

Wednesday- have not slept since Monday and … umm still delivering puppies .. nothing like watching your dogs butt for hours on end .. exhausted.. eye balls were so dry that I could hardly blink I was starving to death but would not go upstairs to make me something to eat in fear that another pup would appear the second that I left the room. Finally went to sleep at 1 am on Thursday

Thursday – at work … why am I at work I keep on asking myself.. why oh why ?? I am sooo sleepy oh so very sleepy and what is this new pain ???….. A pain that feels like my migraine has moved to my right side of my body… oh shit … the pain ..Hello my friend the kidney stone…
I have had probably 30 kidney stones in my life and they all are the same.. they hurt like a bitch and I feel like I am going to die for about 5 days then the real pain comes ...the passing of the stone.. dear god .. I will never forget my very first stone … I truly thought that my body was going to explode into a trillion pieces I went to the ER had several tests done as they drugged me and had me wait for 60 hours .. why do they do that ???.. do they not know that I have other things to do besides sit in the ER for hours on end.. and turn up the damn heat .. and.. bring me more pain medicine and HURRY … I was told that I was the proud owner of a kidney stone.. they gave me some half ass pain killers and a filter to pee in and told me that I needed to catch the stone and bring it back to the doctor so that they could analyze it and see the cause of the stone … I peed in the filter for 4 days .. then I got up in the middle of the night to compose my last will and testament to split my 3 belongings among the family because I was certain that I was going to die at any given moment ….after the will was well written, I peed in the filter and this itty bitty tinny little thing came out .. I had to get the magnifying glass and turn on every single light in the house to see it … I looked at it for about 15 minutes straight .. thinking to myself ..”Self... this can not be the source of the excruciating pain that you have been feeling for the past two weeks .. self this just cannot be!!” Then I went back to bed…
The next day I felt great .. I took the microscopic son of a bitch to the doctor and was told “yep that is the stone” WHAT!!! That is all ???? That can not be it .. NO way .. I swear it felt like I gave birth to the 85 pound son satan .. and all I get is this ??? OHH I was so mad .. how can this be?? All the pain and suffering feeling like I am going to die … all for this … this tiny speck ?????
So that was 30 stones ago, and I still feel the same about them .. I keep hoping that I will pass a stone that is made out of gold . that is not asking much,, then it would not be so bad because in the end it would kinda be worth it instead of this little black speck that has a hook on the end .. what in the world can you do what that .. I guess that I could start saving them and make a necklaces out of them.. but I would prefer gold nuggets then black specks..

Today I have a kidney stone … and I am naming it Charlie .. please look for the birth announcement and photos to follow

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Welcome to the world little ones ....

Here we are …

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Thursday, October 19, 2006

And there goes..... ANOTHER LOAF OF BREAD

Ohhhh……..Delilah.. the giant (pregnant) black house ruling Dane..has resided in our home since she was 5 weeks old.. she was such a sweet thing..

(little background here)
I was looking for a benji dog ... I always wanted a benji dog however, husband wanted a Great Dane. Went to go look at some Dane pups and voila Samson…..

well I could not have it.. I had to have my very own dog to love and play with .. I could not SHARE a dog with my husband ...HELL NO ...so voila Delilah..
.. brother and sister great Danes .. PEOPLE NEVER DO THIS!! it is a bad choice!!
(my husband gently reminds me of this 5 times a day… YOUR damn dog.. ahh my favorite words to hear when there is shit on the floor... and how does he know that it was HER?? Hello!! we have 3 great Danes in this house and 2 cats .. ok so I am pushing it on the cats they could never make a pile of shit like that !!)

Anyhow we became great Dane fanatics and now I consider myself a fountain of knowledge on Danes. Except on the topic of how to keep a loaf of bread in the house for longer than 10 minutes. Maybe I am just too damn stubborn to put my bread in the fridge .....cold bread ewwww !! and if I put it in the cupboard then the whole family walks around and says “ where the hell is the bread”? it is an endless cycle !!!

Ohh …did you say get a bread box?? Gee there is an idea !~
I can not seem to keep a loaf of bread for more than 15 minutes because (MY dog god damnit !!) aka Delilah can eat an entire loaf of bread plastic included in less than 5 minutes !!

One day I will get this on film .. but she is so damn sneaky you see.. she never, ever does it when I am around, but she plots and scopes out the counter top for possible treats as she salivates all over the kitchen floor, just waiting for the moment that I walk out of the kitchen .

It is an endless battle and My dog god damnit !! aka Delilah is winning

See look at her .. She is plotting right this very moment .....

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Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Only because I was asked NICLEY !!

My first real job was at the DMV which stands for the department of motor vehicles
(you get your license plates here, not your DRIVERS LICENCE people)

Anyway, it was my first job and I do have to say that it was the hardest job that I have ever had EVER.

I worked at the DMV for 5 years (why? you ask… Hell, I don’t know I guess that I am a gluten for punishment)

For the first few years I was the sweet (really I was.. swear) Customer service at it’s best.

this niceness lasted exactly 2 years ...Seven hundred and thirty days.. not including weekends and holidays (two entire years people !! yaaahh me !! that deserves a small pat on the back)

.. When you work at the DMV it turns you into a cold hearted bitch ..sad but true .. I got so tired of people whining all the time, calling me names, flipping me off, passing out in line,
*side note... do not go to the DMV drunk or high .. it is just not a good plan !!)

All in all working at the DMV sucked … BAD…

First let me tell you that some of the smelliest people frequent the DMV. For that reason I always had some Lysol for disinfecting surfaces and vapor rub at hand at all times, that way when I got an overwhelming whiff of body funk I would just put some vapor rub under my nose then continue on to complete the required transaction in hopes of a quick breath of fresh air before the next smelly person came up to the counter.
Now don’t get me wrong ...NOT all people that go to the DMV smell like ass .. However, I firmly believe that unless you bathe in cologne… the stink from the guy next to you in line seeps into your pours ..it is true .. it is ...

It was Christmas time and I decided to be festive and also to prevent the overwhelming abundance of bad breath. I put a bowl of red and white cinnamon mint candies on my window (at the DMV, the windows are like at a bank) ..anyhow the mints were a big hit .. I gave them out all the time .. to crying kids, to people with ass breath.. the mints were a huge benefit for everyone.

Here comes Mr. Cat litter box.. (now I swear to this day that I could smell him WHILE he was standing in line) anyway here he comes up to my window and puts BOTH arms up on my window… OH DEAR GOD I had to walk away .. I think that the air around him was actually green … he smelt like cat litter soup .. RANK ...
A few points to ponder here
1. Why was he wearing a flannel shit with the sleeves torn off to make a tank top in the middle of December?
2. How in the hell can a person smell like that when it is 23 degrees outside ?

*Side note He was a cocky asshole so the following is totally justified *

so there I was trying my very best to HURRY the hell up so that I could go and dry heave for hours ..
Ohh…..I was almost done ….
When he says …
“Hey, can I have a mint?”
and I said
“Yes.. Have two and put one under each armpit”
Then I politely handded him his license plates..
And right before he turned to go ….he called me a bitch ..
So I sprayed him with Lysol (Not in the eyes… however I would have loved so much to have done that)
Because people ..the DMV made me an evil evil person !!

What is the moral of this story ???

1. Don’t get a job at the DMV
2. Shower every single day .. and use soap... I do not know how to stress this enough..
3. Never ever piss off the DMV lady
4. You never know when red and white mints, vapor rub and Lysol will come in handy. Everyone should carry these 3 items at all times ..

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Saturday, October 14, 2006

Highlights ??

Well there really isn’t any …
After training and work stuff ….

I did not get eaten by a gator
I did not get attacked by a shark
I sat on the beach and did nothing ……
Not as exciting as the Rick story huh ???

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Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Hello Florida

So I just got back from a business trip to beautiful Florida .. There are some highlights and some LOW lights ….

First the LOW lights… Highlights I will save for tomorrows blog

Flew to Florida with a complete asshole who also happens to be a co-worker.. We will call him RICK ( the dick) ( I did not know before the trip that he was an ass) … Here is how it went …

On the plane From Salt lake city to Cincinnati for a 1 hour layover

Rick: We will have to hurry when we get to Tampa airport because I have some very important stuff to do.
Me: well I have never been to Tampa airport and you say that you have so if you could just point me in the direction of the baggage claim, I can pick up my bag then meet you at the car rental place (of course we were sharing a car lucky me)
Rick: Why the hell did you check a bag .. Geez we are only staying for 6 days
Me: (thinking ....you are a complete ass hole )
Rick: you damn women have to pack all kinds of shit for 6 days?? I will never understand you women, what did you pack the kitchen sink (yes he really said that)
Lady on the plane next to us that is over hearing our conversation: Huge eye roll
Me: are you seeing anyone ?
Rick: NO
Me: I can see why
Me: put my ipod earphones in and turn the music way up so that I can’t here him bitch about the movie that is showing because it is a chick flick… blah blah blah

Meanwhile at Cincinnati airport for a 1 hour layover

The plan lands, and I get right off and head for the nearest bar so that I can buy anything that has alcohol in it and smoke 15 cigarettes.
In walks the lady that was next to me on the plane

Lady: Is that you husband? I cant believe how big of asses men can be.
Me: HELL NO!!!! he is not my husband and yes he is a douche bag
Lady: well I would have told him to fuck off then
Me: (as I take a shot of tequila) well we are on a business trip and he is a co-worker and He is digging his own hole
Lady: I still would have told him to fuck off

Waiting at the terminal at Cincinnati airport

Rick: ( yells from 3 isles across) Well did you get all of your smokes in?
Me: sure did
Rick: well I sure as hell hope that I do not have to sit next to you on this flight and smell your smoke like I had to on the flight all the way here
Me: well I hope that you don’t have to sit by me either
Rick: What is the # for work
Me: I give him the #
Rick: calls talks for a bit then hangs up ..
Rick: see I just knew that as soon as I left something would go wrong
Me: (not buying his bullshit story knowing what he does)

Back on the plane to Florida

Thank god we are not sitting by each other

Me: a little self celebration in my head

At the Tampa airport

Rick: hurry up (apparently Rick turned into a speed walker on the flight)
Me: (thinking .. maybe he is suffering from little dick syndrome)
Rick: I have been here a hundred times just follow me

Waiting at the baggage claim

Rick: SEEEE I knew that this would take forever, Now we are going to have to drive in traffic and I am going to be late
Me (thinking um.. For what ? We have nothing to do tonight we don’t have training until tomorrow)
Rick: What color is your bag
Me: blue
Then I see my bag and get it off the spiny thingy
Rick: that is an ugly color
Me: well opinions are like ass holes ….(yes I said that)

Walking to the car rental place

Rick: I am going to make them give me an upgrade because I am going to go and see family while I am here and I am going to pull up in a sports car.
Me: ok well I am just going to stand out here and smoke while you get the car
Rick: damn smokers
Me: (thinking fuck off)
Rick: Ok well I will go and get the car and I will pick you up here. Don’t move

Me waiting
Me smoking
Me looking for a sports car to pick me up
Up pulls Rick in a Hyundai

Me: laughing so hard it hurts inside

Rick, me and the Hyundai driving to our hotel

Rick: well I am not into all the “team” stuff so You will have to find your own way to those functions
Me: well as I hear it the company is paying for the car and we both are kinda assigned to this car so tell me how that will work
Rick: I don’t know I am way too busy to do those stupid things
Me: hummm
Rick: also I don’t know when I will be up in the mornings so I cant promise that I can get you to the trainings on time ( because I am so important. well he did not say that but he was totally thinking it)
Me: How old are you?
Rick: 23
Me: (thinking Cocky, chubby, suffering from little dick syndrome and is a complete asshole what a package !!)
Me: hummm

As we are driving my cell phone rings and another co-worker that flew out on a different flight calls to tell me that the company is taking everyone out to dinner
I am super excited because I am starving because I have not eaten since 5 am and it is now 6 pm so I say ok we will be there

Me: hey everyone is going out to dinner how long till we get to the hotel?
Rick: well if you would have not checked a bag we would have been there already
Me: so how long
Rick: well it doesn’t really matter because I am not going
Me: that is ok I will just take the car while you are at the hotel that way I still can go
Rick: OH no you cant drive this car
Me: I cant?
Rick: Nope
Me: (thinking well I know that I can .... you fucker ...but I am way too tired, hungry and bitchy to do argue about this right now because I do not want to go to prison in Florida for murder)
Rick: besides I have to go to the store to buy shampoo and toothpaste
Me: shoulda checked a bag (dumb ass)

At the hotel (yes he made it alive)
Rick checked in and I checked in ( thank god he was on a completely different floor)
I walked to go and get me some dinner as I was denied use of the fucking company vehicle and Rick went up to his room to masturbate

So there you have it… Sounds like a blast huh ?

The highlights to follow

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I am me .. that is all there is to it.

I am Fun, Pushy, Unpredictable, Vain, Confident, Expressive, Patronizing, Pompous, Bossy, Courageous, Romantic, Dramatic, Loyal, Determined, Lofty, Stubborn and Exhausted!!

Read at your own risk and Love it!

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