Are you SURE ??
And the Doctor thinks that it is my …… drum roll please……………….. Gallbladder…….. If I am remembering correctly… I told the doctor that I thought it was my gallbladder back in JUNE.. Before I had all these ridiculous tests.. It took a co-worker of mine approximately 7 minutes to diagnose me by checking my symptoms on the internet.. My entire family including the dog think it is my gallbladder…
And why when you tell the doctor that an area hurts… he pushes on it ??? I about flew off the table and kicked him in the teeth when he pressed on my stomach and I took a breath in yesterday .. I cannot even put into words the pain…
He also prescribed me some new medicine to help until we can figure out what is wrong with my stomach..
Why do I read the side effects when I get prescribed a new drug? ALWAYS a bad idea… Always ….
Nausea, headache, diarrhea, gas, dry mouth, runny nose, **dizziness, sudden abdominal pain, weight gain/ weight loss, cough, fever, headache, joint/back pain, difficulty sleeping,
Sound good to you ??
We will find out next week after yet again … another set of tests….
Safety glasses and helmet required
Many years ago ( I was in the 9th grade) but still it was a long time ago …. I along with my boyfriend at the time and some friends went on a group date to a local haunted house. No big deal right. The boys like it because the girls squeal and hold on tight to their man. I was never really like that and could hold my own.. Which kind of sucked for my date I am sure :) I hated it because of all the smoke/fog stuff, the flashing lights that make me want to have a seizure, the smell of too many people in one building…. but I really did not want to be the lame ass who did not go to the haunted house.. so I went
We are about half way through the haunted house …As I turn a corner none other than Freddy Kruger and his big long ass fingernails jumps out at me … all the sudden there is pain and there is warmth ….there is pain and blood … Pain in my eye ball ??? Freddy Kruger and his long ass metal fucking fingernails just jumped lunged at me with this long ass spikes of nails and poked me in the left EYE FUCKKKKKK !!!!!!! ok lets break this down quick. Date
Dark
Freddy Kruger
Long ass fingernails
Pain in eyeball
What the fuck When you are bleeding from the eye ball.. it is extremely difficult to remain calm. So let’s just say that I freaked out a little. After the group I was with realized that something was wrong they all freaked out . And Freddy Kruger really freaked out . So Freddy Kruger got on his walkie talkie device and called management. Management turned on ALL The lights in the entire place. Nobody besides my date group and Freddy Kruger know what the hell is going on.. As I am being escorted by the “medical team” to the back office.. all I can hear is “what is going on?” “turn off the lights” “is that girl bleeding?” “Ohmygod!!!. Is HER EYE BALL bleeding?” I get looked over by the haunted house low budget rental medical team. My eye ball is fine.. I have a few broken blood vessels in my eye but I am not blind… thank you lord….. I have a cut in the corner of my eye and one above my eye. I do not need stitches.. I will live.. I will see… things are good… After what felt like an hour, it was decided that I could go home… the manager of the haunted house was in the room while I was being looked over. I told my date that I just wanted to go home. My date, asked the manager if we could get a refund (because you are broke when you are in 9th grade) and he said unfortunately no, but he would happily give me a pass so that I could return as much as I wanted at no charge. FUCK YOU MANAGER OF THE HAUNTED HOUSE!!!! NO I NEVER WANT TO RETURN. I mentioned that I should call my parents… Freddy Kruger forked over 40 dollars to me on my way out.. he felt really bad…….. I have not returned to a haunted house since.. not once… My husband wanted to take me when we first started dating .. I told him that if he did not mind me wearing a football helmet and safety glasses, I would be happy to go. We STILL have not gone….
O……Hello there
I have been in a permanent state of bad moodiness for the last 5 days ….. bad mood = no posts ….seriously this blog is already rated NC-17 *I ended up NOT going to my lame ass Doctors office to sit and wait like a predator stalking its prey. I only have one remaining get out of jail free pass and would like to save it for a more exciting event. Instead I chose to go and see a “natural doctor” my first appointment was last Thursday.. I am going again today.. He has made me feel better (In a weird hurty but good kind of way) with one visit that any other doctor has as of yet. I am taking lots of herbs and potions .. but if it is working .. Who am I to judge?? *Winter in Utah sucks ass… the skin all over my body gets dry .. the skin on my hands hands get super dry and crack then hurt like crazy .. last night I ran out of the best lotion in the universe.. I am checking UPS site every 15 minutes for my shipment… what is a girl supposed to do when she runs out of her magic hand cream? *Sunday night I burned the roof of my mouth with temperate of the sun chicken enchiladas..HOLLY Ssssshittttttt …!!! They were hot!! Now the roof of my mouth is all blistered and kinda peeling .. YUMMY !! It is kind of like when you were a kid and lost a tooth and could not keep your tongue from investigating the new hole in your mouth… I cannot keep my tongue from investigating the hanging blistered skin on the roof of my mouth… NICE *Someone told me last week that we had 8 shopping weeks left until Christmas .. I just about stabbed them in the eye with a pair of scissors.. I only thought about it .. I ONLY thought about it ….. I will not put you through the rest of the shitty details of last week… I am sure it could have been worse… this week will be better.. it has to be !! P.S. blogger is a stubborn bitch and will not put spaces in my posts ….. I hate you some days blogger.. I really hate you
Long story in three short parts.
My doctor SUCKS.
Has no idea what is wrong with me, will not return my phone calls, and thinks it is all in my head. Called the Doctor on Saturday because he STILL had not returned my calls… he told me to go to the Emergency room….
The local hospital that my lame medical insurance covers is a JOKE.
Went to the ER on Saturday and was told QUOTE “ We can treat your symptoms today, but we are not advanced enough to diagnose you” I got a bag of IV fluids and a sympathy looks from the nurse, then was sent home. Thank you for NOTHING assholes .
Was I NOT at the damn HOSPITAL ?? Where there are doctors, and diagnostic machinery?? If I can’t get help at the HOSPITAL … where can I get help
I am fucked, I am sick and tired of these Pretend doctors that just want to suck your money away from you with test after test and won’t return your phone calls because he has NO CLUE what is wrong with me.
The plan.
Going to sit in the doctor’s office until I can talk to him today .. and get some answers.. or referred to a REAL doctor that can help …FUCKER
Karma is a bitch
Tuesday I had some errands to run. I had to stop by the post office to get my mail, while I was getting all the shit out of my PO box, I hear… someone say “MJ”?!!?!!? I turn and see someone that I do not recognize. Someone that has a orange mullet… someone that has a walker, Someone that was as big as a house. I am not exaggerating here.. big as a damn house.
I am sure that I had a perplexed look on my face because this is how the conversation went down.
Her- you don’t recognize me do you?
Me-No.. sorry
Her- It’s KIM !! we went to school together…
Then all the shitty memories came back to me…
It all started in elementary school. Kim was the biggest douche bag EVER!! Kim was a tom boy, I was not. Kim was rail thin.. I was average. Kim had bright orange mullet hair, I had long brown hair. Kim had problem with me, I did not know why. She was the one that told all the boys that I stuffed my bra, she is the reason why the entire 5th grade class saw my breasts. She was the one that threw sand in my eyes. She was the one that pushed me off the big toy.
In junior high.. She was the one that told everyone that I was a slut, I was not. She was the one that wrote shitty messages about me on the bathroom stall wall. She was a awful.. She was still a tom boy she still had a bright orange mullet.
We got pregnant at the same time and ended up at the same “special” high school for the sperminated. GRAND… who the fuck would poke that ?? My guess is… One drunk son of a bitch ...Sick…. We did not talk at all during high school.. just mostly gave death glares. And talked shit behind each other’s backs. She still was a tom boy and she still had a bright orange mullet. And she was a giant douche bag…
Ok ….Ok back to the conversation at the local post office……
Kim- You look great!! .. You still look the same
Me- I wish I could say the same, I hardly recognize you.
Kim- uneasy laugh.. So are you married? Have any kids?
Me- Yep, I have been married for about 6 years and have 2 kids what about you?
Kim- I just got re-married.. then she whispers … “for the 3rd time” (like anyone in the post office including me gives a fuck!!) and I have 9 kids. The she raddled off their names
What the fuck is going on here???
Why am I having this lame conversation.. Why am I standing in the post office having a conversation with a douche bag?
I quickly excuse myself while she is in mid-sentence.
As I walk out to my car all I can do is shake my head and laugh… it felt so good to see her all fucked up and shaped like a house.. I know that is not good of me to feel that way but damn, it was very elating …. I don’t carry around my bad school memories with me…but I will never forget Kim the douche bag… and it was a shock to see her after all these years… Some people never change… sure they may gain some weight or lose some weight.. Change their hair whatever… but some serious bad karma went down with her..
Thank you for making my Tuesday wonderful Kim the douche bag.. Thank you!! Seeing you like that made up for the shitty things you did to me all those years ago.
For the love of new shoes
I am in LOVE with these shoes… Yes it is love... Yes I am wearing these today.. Yes I CAN walk in them.
I have never been a fan of shoes.. EVER… I refuse to wear closed toe shoes for the summer, fall and most of the winter.. I will wear open toe shoes up until there is a 3 foot blanket of snow…. flip-flops were my shoe of choice up until they were banned at work … lame… Just recently I have become kind of obsessed with shoes.. Damn !!!! They come in every color !! they are cute !! they are sexy !! I can’t get enough ~~~ The above shoe is a good choice at work due to the fact that if someone angers me .. I can shove the heal into their temple.. :) just sayin’ I get a pedicure every other weekend.. I think that if you are a woman and have ugly feet.. you have problems.. I can judge a woman by her feet. It is no wonder why people think that feet are gross.. Most feet ARE gross!!! Long yellow toe nails, chipped polish, and cracked thick callused heals are not sexy !!!! For some.. it is a good thing that winter is approaching.. so they can cover those bad boys up !! For me.. It is sad.. but I will continue to wear open toe shoes until I get a little frost bite on the piggy’s !!!
Are you sleeeeepy ?
So last Monday I had my endoscopy. I showed up at my scheduled time. I did not eat or drink and all that jazz.. just goes to show you that I CAN in fact follow directions (when I want to) anyhow.. they call my name and and take me back to the “prep” room.. Give me a gown that is
1. Ugly
2. Size XXXXXL
The nurse comes in and I ask how long is the wait? ( I am getting rather good at these things and know that just because I am back in the prep room with my giant gown on does not mean that this test will happen any time soon.) The nurse Linda was very good and went to check for me. She said that they are waiting for you NOW !! Wooot !!! So she proceeds to try to put in the IV. She attempts to put the IV in my right hand… she is not having much luck and is starting to kinda panic.. I re-assure her that this happens all the time and that I am used to it .. that seemed to help her relax a little.. after about 4 minutes of her fishing back and forth with the needle in my hand trying to get the vain that she “knows is there” she decides that she should ask someone else to help her to get my IV in..
In walks nurse #2 Melissa.. Melissa is kinda cocky and was more than happy to show Linda up with her mad IV skills. Melissa has the tourniquet on my arm and is getting ready to try and put the IV in the bend of my left arm when in walks my Doctor.. and says ..”I am READY!! ...............INSTANTLY Melissa gets nervous.. (on a side note… It is NEVER OK with me when my nurses/ Doctors/hair dressers get nervous.... ever...) Melissa tries to put the IV in my arm… she is in a rush… and………. O…….. she T..H..I..N..K..S….. she has it ………. Melissa takes the tourniquet off and pulls the sleeve of my gigantic gown down…..For one quick second I think… ummm what is that strange feeling in my arm??.. it kinda stings … o well .. lets just get this over with… END of thought
So now I am in the room where they do the procedure.. Blood pressure cuff CHECK .. Oxygen CHECK… Patient rolled over to her left side.. CHECK…. Medicine that sedates patient in under 5 minutes … Just given….
Me: So how long will this test take…
Nurse: 20 minutes
Me: How long have you been a Nurse?
Nurse: 14 Years
Me: WOW …
Doctor: how long has it been
Nurse: 7 minutes
Dr: Give her more medication
Nurse: OK
Nurse then gives me MORE sleepy time medicine
Me: Am I supposed to be asleep now?
Nurse: yes
Me: Soooo you ever get tired of looking inside random strangers stomachs?
Nurse: Not really.. it is rather interesting
Me: I would get tired of seeing the inside of peoples stomachs
Dr: How long has it been
Nurse: 18 Minutes
Dr: give her more medicine
Nurse: OK
Nurse gives me another does of sleepy time medicine
Me: It sure is cold in here
Nurse: honey… are you tired?
Me: NOPE
Nurse: open you mouth and hold your breath .. I am going to spray your throat with the numbing spray..
Me: OK
Nurse: try to close your eyes and relax
Me: it is so cold in here… I need more blankets
Dr: ( who I will say is rather irritated at this point) How long has it been?
Nurse 24 minutes:
Dr: give her MORE medicine
Nurse: OK but after this dose .. we can not administer any more..
Nurse gives me MORE sleepy time medicine
Me: WOW that really numbs your throat ..
Me: It SURE is cold in here... are you guys cold?
DR: We are going to go ahead and start… I am gong to put this towel over your head and it may feel a little uncomfortable ( I am SURE I have heard that before …)
Me: OK
Towel goes over my head… and they start…. The whole test took about 20 minutes just like the nurse said… It was More than a LITTLE uncomfortable It was painful at times…. But I got through it… they pull the scope out and I immediately sit up and say to the Doctor ….” Your version and my version of uncomfortable is WAY different “…
The nurses freak out because …. I SHOULD be sleeping … I refuse to be wheeled out of the room in the bed.. I want to walk… so I walk to my “recovery” room… and announce that I am ready to go home ….
Nurse #3… Stephanie comes in and removes my IV…. She hands me a gauze pad and tells me to apply pressure to the site where the IV was… and THAT is when I notice that my arm hurts and I notice a GIANT pocket of liquid has developed under my skin in the bend of my arm……… I get dressed and in comes the Doctor… gives us the report on what he found and tells my husband…. “I don’t know what happened in there.. we gave her enough sedative to put out a horse… she was awake for the whole thing” ( BUT NOW…. I KNOW) They tell me that I need to go to the bathroom ????? before I can go home????? that is the most bizarre thing that I have EVER heard about…. I am certain... CERTAIN .....100 % that nothing went up that hole…… Anyhow I do what I am told and go to the bathroom…. While I am in there I try to massage the pocket of fluid in the bend of my arm…… trying to make it go down so that hubby doesn’t see if and FREAK OUT …… I get it to the point where it looks ok enough so that no one will really notice…. I go back in to my “recovery” room and Stephanie states that it is policy that she wheel me out in a damn wheel chair….. I got a little irritated at this point and said something like … "So if I come here and lay down …. You need to wheel me out ??? I did not even get sedated"… WHATEVER … She decided that she could probably get away with walking me out ……
I am about half way out of the hospital with Stephanie the policy following nurse when …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
I start to feel FuCKeD up ………. Fucked up ……… did I say Fucked up …. Because THAT is exactly how I felt……….. But I can't let Stephanie know because I don’t want her in a panic running around the hospital looking for the nearest wheelchair so she can throw my fucked up ass in…so I do my best non chalet ..” hey I am not fucked up” walk… after about 42 minutes of walking (I am sure that it was more like 1 minute) we get to my hubbys car that is waiting out front of the hospital for me. I get in the car and we drive away…. That is when I mention to hubby what happened…… He was not happy … (I was) because who doesn’t like being fucked up? I would have MUCH preferred being fucked up DURRING the TEST … But I take what I can get…..
My test was done at 12:30 pm Monday …… I was fucked up till Wednesday mid afternoon…. it kinda felt like a pot/alcohol/acid high (just to put it in perspective for ya)
Morale of the story here…… If you are getting IV medicine that is supposed to FUCK you up and or sedate you.. and you are NOT sedated and NOT fucked up ……. CHECK the damn IV bitches…..
All aboard......
This happens every year….I am not sure if it is the impending dread that winter is quickly approaching, or if it is my health, I really am not sure what it is but I feel very depressed. More so than normal ... I have felt this way for many months now and it is starting to take its ugly toll on me. Due to medical reasons (supprise supprise) I have been off my “mood stabilizers” since April. The summer time is my mania time.. when I want to party… have lots of sex.. get tattoos.. Have FUN !! Spend money like I have a tree in the back yard that is shedding 50’s . It is easier for me to laugh and smile in the summer time… it is the time that I am on my mania high…
BUT ….It has been a rough road. ….. When you are bi-polar and un- medicated, the world is a scary place to be in. I read back through my blog archives and my posts have been random..bitchy… and.. .bazaar.. I find that it is hard to be a mother, wife, friend, daughter, co-worker in general ... a person… when I can never rely on my moods.. EVER. It is frustrating when I have this “condition” and my loved ones who are aware of this.. (I even brought home pamphlets when I was diagnosed).. and they still are SHOCKED and upset and hurt and don't understand when I have a mood swing. Or when I am in a bad mood for no apparent reason.
I am not making excuses here… being bi-polar is no excuse to be a bitch… not at all… I just have no control of my moods… happy one moment … mad the next… happy one moment .. crying the next… Sounds fun huh !
Summer is over and winter is approaching rather quickly.. This is where the mania ends and the depression begins. I hate the feeling of being trapped… being trapped in an airplane.. being trapped in an elevator.. being trapped indoors for the winter.. YUCK…..This is the time of year when I get the “fuck it’s” …I get the hey .... I don’t really give a shit attitude.. I get the .. I am going to call in sick because getting out of bed seems so much to ask of me today… This is the first time that I have had to face winter depression un medicated .. It feels a bit overwhelming to me right now… because I know what is to come and it is bad enough WITH medication …. I have an appointment with a new psychiatrist in December… that is a long ways away … in the dead of winter… It seems like forever away…. I just want to stay in bed until spring.
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MJ
I am me .. that is all there is to it.
I am Fun, Pushy, Unpredictable, Vain, Confident, Expressive, Patronizing, Pompous, Bossy, Courageous, Romantic, Dramatic, Loyal, Determined, Lofty, Stubborn and Exhausted!!
Read at your own risk and Love it!
Miss Doxie
Jurgen Nation
The Art of Time Suckage
The Morning Meeting
Certifiable Princess
Chollyson
Amalah
Animal Mind
Much a do about sumthin
Alan thinks
Tiny Voices in my head
My reflecting pool
Weapon of mass instruction
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