My brain.. it’s melting
 For Christmas the kids got Nintendo DS’s Because I am an only child, it is hard for me to see something that someone else has and not want it for myself. So I went and bought a "brain game" so that I could play it on the KID’S Nintendo’s
Here is the deal .. you take a series of “tests” like as in reading, math, recognition etc.. then the game tells you what your brain age is ….
The idea of this game is to keep your brain active and by keeping it active is suppose to improve your brain and make you smarter…
So I take all these test feeling all good about my skills and my brain score was 60
60 ..people 60..
My brain score should be equal to my age .. um I am not 60… I am surprised that I can even compose this post considering that I have failed my brain test..
If I was 60 or 50 even, I would be amazed at my brain power … but I am not 60 and my brain is…
It must be all the pot that I smoked in high school !!
Today is a sad sad day
Stupid game !
~ Great Family Fun ~
 Oh…. did I forget to mention that I was gonna take a Christmas break ?? silly me
I don’t really realize how quirky my family ( in-laws too) are.. except when we all pile in one location for many hours.. - I guess he would be my grandpa-in-law.. getting all liquored up and trying to talk me into drinking some portages’ wine with him and something about a G-string?? …NOPE NOT MINE...sicko-s For the scoop click Here
-Me feeling a bit crazy after spending 5 hours with running, screaming, out of control kids and Doug the Serial killer in disguise He creeps me out … and he smells a bit like asparagus
- My grandma announcing that she smelled a wire smell!!!??? and my uncle walking around the house doing exaggerated sniffing.. proudly discovered that the “wire” smell was coming from a light bulb and then trying to convince the rest of the family to congratulate him on his good sniffing skills and to come and sniff the light bulb
..??What the hell.??. Grandma once told me that he was dropped on his head as a baby
- My sister-in-law swearing that at breakfast that I called my daughter Linda??? ( nope that is not her name and it is not EVEN close to her name ) I think that she hit the bottle a wee bit early that day.
- Mom and me throwing thin mints across the living room trying to launce a serious choking hazard down each others throats .. great family fun there kids~~
- My grandpa complaining that the deer in his back yard are by rubbing their antlers against all the trees and running the scrub oak.. and where in the hell can he get some lion urine? That should work right ???
- Hubby almost passing out when he opened his X-BOX 360 that is always fun
- Me cursing like a sailor because I could not for the life of me figure out how the hell to put music on my i-pod …Good times… ( figured it out .. thanks guys)
Well there you have it .. just a few highlights .. the good news is that everyone made it out alive…And BACK to work … SHIT …
Hail to Dawn ....
Aww it feels good to be all shiny and new… Dawn ROCKS guys !! She is amazing !! for all of you with ugly blogs, you to can have a kick ass blog like me ….
Please Go.....
Dear Mucus,
We need to have a talk, and since you are being so stubborn I will have to do this in a letter.
We have been together for a few weeks now, and you really were not bad in the beginning, however I can’t handle the pressure any more… You have been so demanding lately… I know that you are frustrated at work and all, but so am I. I can’t sleep, I can’t concentrate and have had a headache over this every day for a week now.
Also I have heard that you have been intimate with a few of my friends.. come on.. I told you in the beginning that this was just a fling, but my friends to??.. You sure do get around.
I appreciate that you think that I have a cute nose and a sexy nasal cavity really I do, but so does Amy… and her nose is gigantic, Just imagine the things you could do with her nasal cavity … I know that turns you on… NO! NO! It will not hurt my feelings if you start an intimate relationship with her.. GO really…
I am trying to let you go gently, Please don’t force me to get a restraining order.. Just pack up your belongings and leave.
Don’t cry, we were not meant to be.
Sincerely,
MJ
Let's hold hands....
WOW it is amazing what a half bottle of Jack will do for you …
Was I mad ??
Who me??
I said WHAT ??!!
Nothing but love from ~MJ~
Serious bitching to follow..
HOLLY FUCK !
What the hell is wrong with all these people around me? Come on ….
Girl in the office:
Stop approaching me like a rabid dog that is about to attack at any minute (with out the foaming of the mouth part). WOHA… you make me want to grab the nearest stable object.. and tell you that I am having a hard time relating because I have not smoked off the crack pipe today..
Senseless piece of shit girl at the office:
You are too fucking stupid to carry on a damn conversation not that I would like to HAVE an actual conversation with you and by the way you smell like HOT vomit. And have you been breast fed your ENTIRE LIFE? Grow the fuck up ! God for fucking bid you extend yourself and use more than the one damn brain cell and walk upright like a fuckin’ human.
Someone tell me why the fuck there are fruit/meat fly’s in the company bathroom.. someone needs to clean their personal parts immediately What the HELL???
To the bastard that cut me off today on the way home ..
Just because you are driving a big ass semi truck does not mean that I can’t pull your ass out your big boy truck and kick you in your fat head .. Asshole
Do I feel better NO…..I am just going to go find the nearest bottle of Jack Daniels and get shit faced.
**Caution contents hot**
Thank you Choll for my kick ass Starbuck’s coffee cup and gift certificate!! .. There is nothing that brings me more Christmas delight and cheer than a nice steaming hot cup of coffee.. …Well and steaming hot sex… Coffee and sex at the same time is not the best choice.. you should see the third degree burn that I have on my left breast.. So I will drink my hot coffee here at the office.. that way I can keep the “girls safe” and work on the steaming hot sex tonight with hubby and maybe the neighbor?? .. who knows .. I AM feeling very cheerful !!!
Um holly shit...
I HAVE to do this ... It is SOOO on the life list  Imagine yourself taking momentary leave of both your senses and the little cubicle you call your office, and harnessing yourself into a VW-sized, transparent ball of plastic. Then imagine someone rolling you down a steep hill at 25 mph. You are the boy in the plastic bubble, on steroids.
 OMG..... where the hell do I sign up ???
Attention…
To the janitorial staff at my office:
Some things have been bothering me lately so I am bringing them to your attention.
-The toilet paper in the women’s restroom is being put in the dispensers the wrong direction, the end needs to fall OVER not under.
-Also the bathroom is starting to smell like ass again, please replace the tropical breeze air freshener ASAP.
-I know that you are not changing the garbage sack in my waste basket. You are just dumping it out into the big wheeley garbage can that you take around the entire office. Here is the deal, I drink many cups of coffee every day and I throw my Starbuck’s cup in that trash can every day. And sometimes the coffee leaks out of the paper cup. It is making a sticky mess at the bottom of the bag. This needs to stop immediately!! Cheap asses
-Also I like the location of my trash can, don’t relocate it to random spots in my office.
-Those co-workers that sit behind and across from me .. you can fuck with them as much as you like.. Do not even empty their trash cans, jut throw it all over the floor, no need to dust or vacuum. Nothing will help to remove the stink that emanates from their direction
-While I am thinking of it.. please install a mister of Lysol at the entrance of my office, I am telling you I can feel Mutt and Jeff’s germs as they land on me.. because they have no idea how to cover their faces when they hack and sneeze in my general direction. I am about to put the “smack down” on both of those bitches.
-Also who would I speak to about some sound proof walls?
I would appreciate it if you could make these changes immediately.
Regards,
MJ
you got paid HOW much ???
 The other day I was watching the TV show Ellen and her guest was Mr. William Shatner. During the interview, Mr. Shatner said that he auctioned off a kidney stone for seventy five thousand dollars. WHAT THE HELL?? The good thing about it is that he used the money to build a home in New Orleans for a nice family.
but still ……
Who in their right mind would pay that much for a damn kidney stone.?
Lets do the math here:
21 kidney stones at $75,000.00 each = $1,575,000.00
Damn I could be a billionaire !!
Where have I gone wrong?? ..
Oh’ that is right I am not a movie star
Some People
Is it too much of me to ask a few of my co-workers to: 1- Brush their teeth WITH TOOTHPASTE 2- Wash their body with SOAP 3- Wash their hair with SHAMPOO 4- Cover their BELLY and ASS all the way .. this is not the beach .. 5- WASH their hands with soap BEFORE they leave the bathroom 6- COVER your fucking mouth when you cough and sneeze Is that too much of me to ask ?? Can they not tell that their breath smells like ass ? That their hair looks like they have been rolling around in Crisco ? That their belly and ass is hanging out? That they are spraying their nasty ass germs all over me? Where do they FIND these people … ~SHIT~
Just another day at the laundromat
 I had to go to the laundromat last weekend to wash some blankets.. Every time that I go to the laundromat I get this funny feeling that I am the only semi-normal person there.
The laundromat was packed . I went in put my blankets in the giant washers then went outside to read my book in peace as there was maple syrup smelling children running all over the place touching everything.
Just as my blankets were almost done washing I went in and realized that there was a small dilemma.. EVERY last dryer was taken up. Damn …
So I put my blankets in one of those wheelie thingies and stood by the dryers like an eager kid waiting for an ice cream cone.
As I was standing there, I noticed this man that was standing in front of a row of washers
He had two wheelie baskets over flowing with clothes.
As he was sorting his clothes, this was his system.
1- pick up a pair of pants, turn them inside out, smell the crotch then either fold them up and stack them in the “semi clean pile” that can be re-worn. Or put them in a washer.
2- repeat with shirts .. turn it inside out .. smell.. and either wash or fold.
3- repeat with socks.. (but he did not turn these inside out) wash or fold
4- Repeat with his underwear.. YES he did this Turn INSIDE out SMELL them and either wash or fold.. WHAT THE HELL ???
It took everything I had not to walk up to him and ask … “So if your underwear smells just a little like ass then do you put them in the clean pile??”
I could not bring my eyes away from this event.
I looked around the laundromat for just a second and EVERY single eye was on this fellow who was smelling and sorting his dirty/semi clean clothes.
I watched him until I threw up a little in my mouth. Then I had to look away.
One of my first jobs was working at the very same laundromat for 2 years and I had never seen anyone sort clothes this way..
These are the times that I wish that I had my camcorder..
that way I could have posted it for your viewing pleasure..
Skater girl ??
 The following conversation took place earlier this week between my 10 year old daughter and I:
K : “Mom, I no longer wants to be a girly girl . I want to be a punk.. you know mom, like a skater girl”.
Me: “So what does that mean?” “does that mean that you want a skate board for Christmas?”
K : “No mom, I just want to look like a skater girl.” Like Avril Lavigne
Me:“How about you just be you.. instead of a stereo type”
K : “Nope mom, I have made a decision to be a punk”
So all this week my we will be doing something random like eating dinner or watching some T.V and my daughter will announce “ I am SUCH a punk!!”
What is happening here ?
Was I ten years old when I started the I want to “fit” in somewhere so I am going to change who I am ?
When do we realize that it is not important to “fit” into a stereo type any more? I know a lot of grown people who are still trying to “fit” in.
I do not want my children to grow up into adults that are still trying to “fit” in.
I feel that it is important for children to have the freedom of expression as they are growing up into adults. I feel that if you deprive children of this they will have a harder time as an adult due to the fact that they have been repressed as children.
I guess we will see how long this “skater/punk” phase lasts ..
I am not what I have, I am not what I wear, I am me .. that is all there is to it ..
My Humps
This is last year’s bra .. this was a Christmas present that a co-worker gave me. Isn’t is great? I am on the hunt for another just like it .. I think that it would look stunning on me at this years Christmas party.. 
All I want for Christmas is …
I thought that I would be original and post my Christmas wish list ( ha ha )
This and this… because you can never have too many scarves.
These.. because they are wickedly cool and I just want to fit in with the cool girls.
These.. where would I wear these ??.. Maybe I will vacuum the house in em’ hell I don’t know but I love em’
Anything and I mean anything from here.
Because who does not like to smell like a candy cane or a bushel of raspberries?
This and this because I can never watch these enough
I really want this .. “you don’t cook” you say… yes but hubby does and it would look really good on the counter.
This .. because it is just damn cute
This because I love it and I would look so sophisticated in it
This and this .. because sometimes you need a shirt to say it for you
And just incase anyone has an extra $3,000 and they just don’t know what to do with it. THIS.. would really bring a smile to my face...because there are too many assholes at Starbucks
Well that about sums it up… happy shopping to all and to all a good night
Our bags are packed it is time to go ….
Ok so the “big move” day is today and tomorrow and for all that have done it before you know .. IT SUCKS !! BAD.. when I got my very first apartment I had
a card table and 3 miss-match chairs,
a TV from 1970,
a crib,
2 beds
and clothes.
That is all I had folks
13 year later we have so much shit that we had to rent a huge dumpster and we filled it to the very top with shit that we have collected over the years
4 couches
2 coffee tables
4 end tables
Pots & pans
Dishes
2 Christmas trees
Tupperware
Clothes
A bed
A crib
Toys
Oh the list goes on and on ….
Hubby has been moving our stuff all day ( I cant due to the fact that I gave myself a hernia while sleeping ..Pulled all 12 stitches from my appendix surgery .. hurt like crazy … WHO does that?? …well besides me ?? WHO ??
We have things in storage and things moved into our new place. It sucks to be half moved. Everything that you need is in a box somewhere and hell if I know what box IT is in..
The very worst for me is moving food and closets.. there really is not an easy way to do this .. have you ever packed food ? NOT FUN and as for closets.. we try and just take the hangers off the rack and then transport the clothes and then re-hang them .. This NEVER works .. Shirts and pants fall off the hangers then the hangers get all tangled up ..
Then I swear like a sailor!! I wish that I had an ounce of patience .. I really do
Tomorrow we should be all the way moved out. Then we just need to clean then good bye house.
Got to get rested up so that I can tackle the food and the closets tomorrow … Saving the very best for last
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MJ
I am me .. that is all there is to it.
I am Fun, Pushy, Unpredictable, Vain, Confident, Expressive, Patronizing, Pompous, Bossy, Courageous, Romantic, Dramatic, Loyal, Determined, Lofty, Stubborn and Exhausted!!
Read at your own risk and Love it!
Miss Doxie
Jurgen Nation
The Art of Time Suckage
The Morning Meeting
Certifiable Princess
Chollyson
Amalah
Animal Mind
Much a do about sumthin
Alan thinks
Tiny Voices in my head
My reflecting pool
Weapon of mass instruction
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For Christmas the kids got Nintendo DS’s 
