Tuesday, December 16, 2008

You wanna take a go with me huh ?

A little interaction with co workers is never a bad thing .. right ??
Here is how the conversation went down,

Observer: Mariah, are you going to the office Christmas party?
Me: I’m not sure, do you know what they are having to eat?
Observer: Well I’m thinking they will have red meat, some chicken and a vegetarian dish
Me: ‘Oh good .. Yeah I’m thinking about going
Office bitch: What do you care?? you are so skinny and have no ass!! (said all bitch like)
Me: Well I would rather have no ass than be ALL ass… like you
Observer: Oh shit !! (offers up a nervous laugh) then Hey.. so my husband is getting me a tattoo for Christmas !! I’m so excited
(Some tattoo discussion takes place between observer and I)
Office bitch: Oh I have always wanted a tattoo .. I want a dragonfly on the small of my back
Me: Oh you mean a tramp stamp?
Office Bitch: (all butt hurt) UM NOOOO gawwdd …that’s rude
Me: Um honey, you are not the first girl to think of getting a tattoo there, I have one myself and they are called tramp stamps.. get over it
Observer: again with some nervous laughter
Office bitch: The only thing that has stopped me from getting one there is that my ass crack goes way far up my back .. more than the average person I think …

Wait for it ……………………………………………

Me: giving a whole new meaning to you being ALL ass.

That was fun….

Thanks come again

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Wednesday, December 10, 2008

A freak in every place ..

6 am at the local gas station.. I stop in to get me a pack of camel lights, some coffee and a juice. It’s early and I am feeling groggy from the sleeping pills I took the night before I’m wearing my usual day job attir, torn jeans, sweat shirt and my oversized UTES coat. As I am standing in front of the juice cooler, trying to decide if I feel like cranberry, apple or orange…. this man in a suit approaches me and stands directly behind me.

Um NOT SO MCUH asshole… this girl has a personal space issue .. back the fuck up !!
I glance over at the table of the old coffee drinker regulars... I think they can see the panic in my eyes..

I fake a smile and say to the man …
“Good morning”
And get nothing in return.
Then I say …
“I know it’s early man, but SPEAK and get the hell out of my personal space. .. You are starting to freak me out.”

He steps back and says “You have beautiful hair, so shinny”…

Ok now at this point I am giving my signature “what the fuck” look

He leans forward, takes a exaggerated whiff of my hair, and says…

“GOD you smell great !! ... What a great way to start my morning”

What the fuck???

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Monday, November 03, 2008

No more left turns …

Just thought I would share with you all how I have been feeling lately … pretty vague I know … but it sums up the last few weeks in two lovely words ...

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Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Oh’ really?

K so I guess I have forgotten the basic rules of blogging… you know the proper feeding and care. To tell the truth I have been feverously working on new technology so I can think my posts in to the computer instead of doing things the old fashion way .. you know the whole typing of my thoughts seems to be cramping my style lately .. obviously …

Things have been rather hectic and kind of chaotic lately and I can’t really give a logical reason why other than I have ran out of alcohol and cant think my way to the liquor store to get more.

See this is really fucking up the rotation here for me…

Oh’ did I tell u all that I am writing a book .. yeah about my life but not an autobiography and I have changed the names of those I have included in my book to protect the innocent … anyway all was going well for a few months there but not so much lately… for real people I cant have a 5,000 page book so I am trying to condense … and let me tell you all it has been hard because um…the sex scenes are well rather good .. ok .. real good .. ok ok blow your mind need a wet nap good … and how can I leave those out? And the drama parts .. um yeah those are pretty good to because everyone that knows me knows that um there may be a little drama involved … not entirely caused by me ..with life .. comes drama. And for a while there .. TOO much drama!! hence the new love for dirty martinis and bloody marry’s and .. ok so you see my point here. So I took a break from writing because well, I have been distracted .. well doing research for more sex scenes (thank you 10%) and last night I re-read some of the pieces of my book … people … if I do say so myself … it is FUCKING good !!! I just have to condense a little (okay maybe a lot ) and I am thinking that by the first of the year.. I may … just may … be able to actually let someone other than me read it… yeah that is a scary thought … maybe one day I will be famous … yeah that is wishful thinking but still a girl ahs got to have dreams.

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Monday, September 08, 2008


Yeah, So, Um, Hi there…. Looks like I am back.. Just had to get a divorce and wrap up a few other things …..We will get into that here later on … No time for blogging when shit is hitting the fan.... literally but I got me some cleaning supplies and things are .. well, we will just say … much better now ….. So here I am .. Ready to amuse you all once more with my smart ass classy blogging style …. Mowahhhaaaaa

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Monday, April 28, 2008

Closing the door

Well folks.. The time has come for me to close the door on this too… for once .. I am at a loss for words

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Saturday, March 15, 2008


Pretty much sums up how I am spending my weekend …………….......................................................................

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Thursday, February 28, 2008


The boys of American idol need to STOP wearing makeup .. seriously .. whoever is applying that much foundation, blush and lipstick to these boys needs there ass kicked …..that shit needs to stop… I am hopped up on cold medicine and it confuses me.. It helps when boys look like boys and girls look like girls.. Last night my daughter walked in to my room and informed me that she had 57 freckles on her body.. 9 on her face.. 14 on her legs.. I lost focus at this point in the conversation .. she is hopped up on cold medicine also.. neighbor behind me YOU SUCK ASS .. why would you have a dog just to keep it in the backyard ALL DAY AND NIGHT … I can hear your damn dog constantly barking I am sure you CAN HEAR IT TOO FUCKERS … here is an idea.. why don’t you take off all your clothes and spend a night in your backyard and see how you like it.. I am sure not much ass wipes … I hate people like you… and to the other neighbor up the street.. please tell me why you painted your door purple. What does that mean? I am perplexed as to why you chose that bright color to paint your front door every time I drive by… are you a crack house? Is it a religious thing? What the hell ?? The sun has come out this week and has melted some of the snow .. I am trying not to get too excited though because in Utah it can snow in May.. that is just LAME if you ask me ..I need sushi … soon …. I promised myself that I would not get addicted.. but I am .. there I said it … I am trying to learn how to use chop sticks and not look like an idiot… I can pick up a roll with sticks but can’t seem to master the art of eating rice and squid salad with them … why is so damn hard? And who’s idea was it to eat with sticks anyway ? seriously…. Pear vodka is my new favorite drink .. because who doesn’t like pear .. and vodka mixed together in a glass of happiness ? …New girl.. in a way I am glad that Friday is your last day.. you see I have this thing about people that I don’t know touching me .. I hate it ….DON’T DO IT … … you touched my arm AND hair the FIRST day you were here .....Hair and arm touch in the same day … FUCK OFF ....I can’t like you. And just because we had a similar surgery does not make us instant friends … I try to remain closed off and distant from co- workers .. Sorry that is just the way it is… I am going to go take a tylenol cold and a mucinex with some pear vodka and get some rest ….

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Monday, February 25, 2008

Because I said it so well the same time last year ...

Dear Mucus,

We need to have a talk, and since you are being so stubborn.. you have forced me to do this in a letter.

We have been together for a few weeks now, and you really were not too bad in the beginning, however I can’t handle the pressure any more… You have been so demanding lately… I know that you are frustrated at work and all, but so am I….

I can’t sleep, I can’t concentrate and have had a headache over this every day for a week now.

Also I hear that you have been intimate with a few of my friends.. come on.. I told you in the beginning that this was just a fling, but my friends to??.. You sure do get around.

I appreciate that you think that I have a cute nose and a sexy nasal cavity really I do, but the time has come to call it quits …

Come to think about it …. It will not hurt my feelings if you start an intimate relationship with someone else .. HONEST … I am trying to let you go gently, Please don’t force me to get a restraining order.. Just pack up your belongings and leave. Don’t cry, we were not meant to be.

Sincerely, MJ

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Friday, February 08, 2008

Immediate medical attention may be required

Yesterday when my daughter came through the door holding her side.. I asked her what happened........She told me in her most dramatic voice.. about how she was walking down the sidewalk and slipped on some ice.. and owwww !!!! it hurts sooooo bad…. and my kneeeeee too …. and MOM!!! .. it was awful.. and mom I felt so embarrassed.. LOOK at it MOM !!! It HURTS … NOOOOOOOOO don’t touch it !!!

After I assured her that her wound would NOT require tweezers, hydrogen peroxide, or surgery … I looked her over… just a little sidewalk rash.. no bleeding .. a scrape on the surface of the skin..

!!!MOM!!! It hurts …. What are we going do???

I used my sure fire reply… “Go put some Neosporin on it”

Off she went … to apply copious amounts of Neosporin to her major injury…

About 15 minutes later.. she comes in to tell me good night as I am hugging her.. I can feel that she is um.. I guess bulky? Around her waist…

I ask.. how is your injury? Are you going to be okay ?

Yes mom, I put a bandage on it and it is really helping my side feel better.. see look …..

When a regular old band aid won’t cut it…

So a big Thank you to the makers of ACE bandages….you saved the night … if it was not for the ACE… all hell could have broken loose.....

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Wednesday, January 30, 2008


Because I have reached my personal limit of weight on my shoulders…..Because I am exhausted.. Because I feel like I have nothing more to give..Because sometimes I don’t know what to do with my emotions… Because I can only put on my happy face for so long ……

That is why

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Thursday, January 24, 2008

Because you crack my ass up T Mobile

Seriously the best commercial on television

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Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Damn you KRAFT ….You should never change a good thing …

To the whom it may concern,

Two years ago I was on the hunt for a new breakfast cereal.. I saw your catchy commercial… and decided that I would give your cereal .. Honey bunches of oats… a try.. I purchased 3 boxes. Original, Peach and strawberry.. One spoonful was all it took!!! It WAS a mouthful of joy.. It really was !!!

Strawberry was my favorite.. the clusters of oats.. the corn flakes , the crisp not too sweet strawberries … it was like a celebration in my mouth !! Perfect !! I have consumed a bowl full almost every morning faithfully for two years.

But there is no longer any celebrating going on... There is no more joy.. the fun stoped last week when....

I noticed that I had run out of my favorite breakfast cereal.. I went to my local grocery store and bought 4 boxes.

As I poured a bowl, I was full of anticipation .. but wait… I noticed something was different …My cereal that I have eaten for 2 years now looks .... well .... not the same as it did the other 730 times I have poured myself a bowl ..I could not figure out what exactly was different until I poured the milk and ate it …. .. the strawberries got all squishy and gross .. the clusters of oats were pinkish… I like my oats to be oat colored. Remember clear Pepsi?? Green ketchup.. That did not go over well because well.. as an American I need my Pepsi to be cola colored and my ketchup to be red.. Those are just the facts there … PERIOD

What have you done KRAFT? Why did you go and try to make a change to a perfect thing? At first I thought maybe someone in your manufacturing plant had a bad day and was hoping, praying ... just the one box was like that so I opened the other 3 boxes that I purchased.. ALL the same


I am not telling you how to run your business .. HOWEVER…. If you are going to make those kind of corporate decisions, you should consider say maybe ..Advertising ??!!??….There was no difference in the packaging no “New and Improved” on the box.. nothing… I am very disappointed…

And now I am on the hunt again for a breakfast cereal that will bring back the mouthful of joy.

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Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Decisions Decisions

Keep it long .. or cut the shit off?? And damn I need to get it colored AGAIN ……….. Some days it sucks to be a girl ………….

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Thursday, January 10, 2008

Why you should not eat your friend’s homemade sushi

We were invited to a friends for sushi dinner last night … Tuna, crab, avocado, cucumber, sea weed.... you know the basic spread.. the fish was very tasty.. However….
1. I am sick
2. Did I say that I am sick
3. Seaweed is for animals.. not humans … that shit is nasty

I can still taste the sea weed today … this is not a good thing ……

From now on.. I will leave it up to the professional’s thanks

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Thursday, January 03, 2008

Reason 876 why you should always wear your wedding ring to Wal-Mart

We got all moved into our new place … thank god … I had removed my wedding ring in the moving process because I have already broken it 3 times … see how responsible I can be??

It had snowed 4 times last week and our north facing driveway was completely snow packed..

I needed to get some ice melt from Wal-Mart

It is winter .. In Utah … Ice melt should be by the FRONT door … but no…….

As I am making my second lap around the store .. I hear a man behind me talking to his daughter…

Man: We can look at the toys after I find the ice melt..

I turn around to find a man in his late 30’s sportin a full on mullet… NICE …… I say to the man … “well when you find it .. let me know” …

Man: sure thing darlin’

Ok so I hate it when complete strangers call me darlin’

Surprise surprise .. I am irritated at this point

I hunt down a friendly Wal-Mart employee and ask where the fuck the ice melt is in this store…
Mullet man is following me like a lost puppy

She kindly points me to the lawn and garden section .. you know the one .. where they sell flowers and garden shit in the summer…. That is a perfectly logical place to put the ice melt … nice one Wal-Mart

Alas !!! I have located the ice melt … I am about to grab a 50 pound bag when ….. WAIT……
Mullet man thinks that I am unable to lift an absurd 50 lb bag of ice melt.. he rushes around me and picks up the bag and places it in my cart…

Me: thank you

Man: you are very welcome baby doll….

What the fuck did you just call me ??? ( ok so I did not say it but I totally thought it)

I leave the lawn and garden section and grab some other needed items… and head to the check out

As I am standing in line … I hear a man talking to his daughter… I turn around and it is none other than dun da na naaaa mullet man…

Him: Hey... if you want me to follow you out to your car.. I can help you put the ice melt in your trunk…

Then rape and kill you …. No he did not say that .. but he was thinking it … :)

Me: I have got it thanks

Him: Well a pretty girl like you should not have to lift that heavy bag

Me: Famous “fuck you” look and nervous laughter

Him: My name is Don and this is my daughter Lexy

Me: My name is MJ and I have 14 children…. I think I can manage a 50 lb bag of ice melt… Thanks

I swear if I see him on Americas Most Wanted I totally will call for the reward money …

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Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Party like a … What ? Happy Birthday Choll

My first annual invite to Cholls Birthday bash …. I had a blast !!

A bunch of brunettes …

Ro and Bear

Guess which one of us is drunk …..

Me helping Will rock some mod sexy hair ..

Squinshin’ on the couch ...

I totally had a great time … and was not even drunk ... I know ..I know ... somebody write it down somewhere quick *Ü*

I can’t wait to come back and show you my mad Rock Band skills...However I will be requiring at least a bottle of wine if I am handed the microphone !!

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Friday, December 28, 2007


It is a damn awkward feeling when you are face to face with an individual and you can’t tell if they are a girl or a boy.
Is it impolite to ask?
I hate to be confused

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Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Why are you so irritated you ask ?

Saturday afternoon hubby and I decided to go and see I am Legend along with 50 billion other people. The drive to the theater was shitty due to the fact that it was 1. Saturday 2. Almost Christmas and 3. People are just shitty drivers in Utah
When we got to the theater, there was a line to buy tickets (which you must do outside) I hopped in what looked to be the shortest line… only to discover...Fuck no .. We get some individual that cannot function at normal human speed… it was kind of like she just smoked a pound of pot and washed down 12 zannies with a gallon of wine… get the picture ? oh and did I mention that it was a whopping 28 degrees out side ? I am allergic to the cold .. I HATE winter …and it makes me rather bitchy. Needless to say .. after 15 minutes of standing out in the cold freezing my ass off .. I was not in the most pleasant mood by the time we got to the ticket window. Yes I was a bitch to her.. she in turn slowed down even more… if it were not for the plexi glass window that separated us .. I may just have killed her
Individual employed by local movie theater 1 me 0
Yesterday at the grocery store I carefully picked out 2 apples. Examining them for any imperfections looking for the 2 most perfect apples in the store. When I got to the checkout stand this bitch threw my perfect apples on the damn scale to weigh them.. I kindly told the bitch that I spent a long time selecting the perfect apples and that she just bruised the shit out of them. She just gave me one of my SIGNATURE fuck you looks .. bitch stole my look… After she had finished ringing up my items, I told her that I no longer wanted the damaged apples. She was not happy about this.. but took the apples off my bill.. I paid her with my card and asked for 60.00 back in cash. She grabbed 3 twenties.. as soon as she was shutting her cash drawer, I kindly asked for 2 twenties and 2 tens… well because I was just feeling sad about my apples not that I really needed 2 twenties and 2 tens..
Bitch said … MAAAAM!!!!! … We are not the bank. And handed me 3 twenties.
What the hell… first of all …. I am not near old enough to be called maaaaaam second of all .. if she would not have bruised my apples.. I would not have tried to make our transaction as difficult as possible.
Bitch employed by local grocery store 1 Me 0
The most wonderful time of year huh ?

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Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Very catchy !!

Hey there vagina

Possibly one of my favorite posts EVAHHH

I will never ever be able to listen to that song again without a grin !!

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Wednesday, December 05, 2007

The good.. The bad… The hot dentist..and naughty thoughts

…Yesterday I had to go to the dentist…. I HATE GOING TO THE DENTIST…. I had to get a bunch of work done on my teeth… Not anything major, just replaced the old silver fillings with pretty white fillings, and had some work done on the root of my back tooth…sonofabitch THAT hurt !! I decided to do all of this in a one stop manner. So that I would not have to return in a week to get the other side of my mouth worked on. I was numb on all four sides … I kept on asking the doctor for a mirror because I felt like small children could stand on my bottom lip SEXY !! Did I mention that my old 80 year old dentist that smelled like peanuts retired and SUPPRISE !!!!! he has been replaced with a smoking HOT younger dentist? That smelled like he was wearing “jump in the bushes with me” cologne …ummmmmm With the laughing gas a couple xanax and my sick twisted imagination I thought about taking my clothes off right there in the office and asking for a pelvic exam .... RELAX... I only thought about it ….. I am eating as much sugar as possible in hope for a cavity.. so that I can go back and think naughty thoughts again!!!

Also yesterday, hubby and I found us a home !! I cannot tell you how excited I am about this !! Cute house, nice neighborhood.. big fenced in back yard.. giant tub…. All in all what it equals to is …lots of random places to have sex !!! wooooot

With the house and Christmas… I am one broke ass !!! So if I don’t love your guts…. Don’t expect much for Christmas this year

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Monday, November 19, 2007

Crack... It’s what’s for breakfast

Today while on smoke break, Ro spotted a dollar bill in the gutter…and picked it up…. It took me a second to realize that it was rolled up in a meth snorting straw kind of way.. Ro instantly threw it down on the table and wanted nothing to do with it because she is the smarter one.
I on the other hand… compulsively needed to investigate …. ( I am a wannabee volunteer sheriff’s deputy crime scene investigator) So what do I do…. The obvious.. I unroll the dollar bill to see if I can detect any trace amounts of white on the bill….. annnnnddd……. YES there was quite a bit of the strange white substance on the bill….. I was about to investigate further when … The rational side of my brain slapped me on the wrist and said… “NO MJ!!!!… NO do NOT taste it like you seen the actors do on that one show… that is TV…. That is not real. Dumb ass."
Ro flipped it off the table in a gesture of disgust…. Because she IS the smart one….
I have washed my hands repentantly thinking that I may have trace amounts of methamphetamine on my skin, and I the high will kick in any second now…. Because marijuana leads to crack. Crack leads to crystal meth... which leads to death.
Also I am really curious who the crack head is here at work !!! I will be randomly checking my co-workers nostrils throughout the day.
A wannabee volunteer sheriff’s deputy investigators work is never done

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Really ? You are too kind !!

The CEO awarded me with this cute pink nice sized award…..

The inner me always wanted to be a rocker….
Now I can rock out with my cock out ..........
Because I am free as a bird now.........................

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Thursday, November 15, 2007

Awww shucks !!

What a way to start off my morning !!
I received this lovely award from My Reflecting Pool ”This badge is for bloggers who make their blog their own, stay with it, interact with their readers, and have fun!"
I discovered My Reflecting Pool from a blog roll … I am SO glad that I clicked the link to her blog … I really love to read her blog.. she makes me think, and cracks me up !! The kind of blog I love to read while drinking a nice glass of wine !!

I am nominating:

Now I need to catch up on the days I missed reading your blogs because I was laying in bed :)

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Monday, November 12, 2007

All is well :)

I had my gallbladder out Friday at 6:15 am The doctor said that it was diseased and sent it off to the pathologist to see what was wrong with it.. I am recovering quickly ( I only have 4 holes in my stomach) I am happy to say that I have not experienced ANY side effects other than feeling a bit bloated. My theory is that nothing will change without my gallbladder because it was not working in the first place. I just won’t have the pain any more. I have been able to eat and drink anything that I want to so far!! I am just taking it easy, staying in bed and getting as much rest as possible !!!

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Thursday, November 08, 2007

This will be my last ( I hope ) surgery

Went to get a second opinion yesterday…. SAME diagnosis ….
"MJ, Your gallbladder does not work… It does not know when to contract anymore….which is causing you the pain."
Solution -------- Remove the gallbladder………..
So the gallbladder is coming out tomorrow …………………………….. I am really nervous about this one as I read a TON of garrbage on the internet.
Bad Bad choice ... Never let me do this again ... EVER
I asked the doctor about weight gain, he said that when someone’s gallbladder is not functioning or they have stones, they tend NOT to eat….. they get gallbladder removed they feel better… they EAT and EAT = Gain weight
I also asked about what I would have a hard time eating. He said fatty foods. Which I do not eat now anyway and maybe alcohol….. WHAT !!?? I just developed a love for wine and I mean a deep passionate sexy love ….. This saddens me more than you know…. Please send good thoughts my way because if I come out of this not being able to drink wine…… WATCH the FUCK out !!! ahem anyway moving right along ………………..
I cannot continue to try and function every day while in continuous pain …. It makes me rather bitchy :) So adios gallbladder…
I really appreciate your feedback in the comments of my last post… You guys are great !!!
Wish me luck :)

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Tuesday, November 06, 2007


It is official .. my gallbladder is no good. I do not have gall stones however, my gallbladder is not functioning like it should and so the GI doctor suggested it to be removed. I meet with the surgeon Wednesday.

For the last two days I have been researching about gallbladder removal on the internet
This is where the internet is NOT my friend…..
The most popular things that I am finding on the internet are things like …….

I gained 50 lbs after I had my gallbladder removed and I can’t lose the weight
I have to shit 5 times a day
My stomach is bloated
I went from a size 6 to a size 14
I barley eat 700 calories and I STILL can’t lose weight
EVERYTHING passes right through me.
DO not listen to your doctor when he tells you that you do not need your gallbladder..

It goes on and on ....

OKOK I know that the internet is full of strange people (like me) that bitch about everything. However, it is quite alarming to hear story after story of rapid weight gain and horrific diarrhea. I feel bad now… However I am not up for feeling worse after my gallbladder is removed.

I am asking you.. My lovely internet friends ……… Have any of you out there had or know of someone who has had their gallbladder removed? PLEASE tell me about it!!!! I am feeling scared… like maybe I should try an alternate before I get my gallbladder removed.

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Friday, November 02, 2007

I blew it….. NaBloPoMO

All I had to do was post every day in November…. And I blew it…. I am out

NICE going MJ

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Friday, October 26, 2007

Are you SURE ??

And the Doctor thinks that it is my …… drum roll please……………….. Gallbladder…….. If I am remembering correctly… I told the doctor that I thought it was my gallbladder back in JUNE.. Before I had all these ridiculous tests.. It took a co-worker of mine approximately 7 minutes to diagnose me by checking my symptoms on the internet.. My entire family including the dog think it is my gallbladder…

And why when you tell the doctor that an area hurts… he pushes on it ??? I about flew off the table and kicked him in the teeth when he pressed on my stomach and I took a breath in yesterday .. I cannot even put into words the pain…

He also prescribed me some new medicine to help until we can figure out what is wrong with my stomach..

Why do I read the side effects when I get prescribed a new drug? ALWAYS a bad idea… Always ….
Nausea, headache, diarrhea, gas, dry mouth, runny nose, **dizziness, sudden abdominal pain, weight gain/ weight loss, cough, fever, headache, joint/back pain, difficulty sleeping,
Sound good to you ??

We will find out next week after yet again … another set of tests….

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Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Safety glasses and helmet required

Many years ago ( I was in the 9th grade) but still it was a long time ago …. I along with my boyfriend at the time and some friends went on a group date to a local haunted house. No big deal right. The boys like it because the girls squeal and hold on tight to their man. I was never really like that and could hold my own.. Which kind of sucked for my date I am sure :) I hated it because of all the smoke/fog stuff, the flashing lights that make me want to have a seizure, the smell of too many people in one building…. but I really did not want to be the lame ass who did not go to the haunted house.. so I went
We are about half way through the haunted house …As I turn a corner none other than Freddy Kruger and his big long ass fingernails jumps out at me … all the sudden there is pain and there is warmth ….there is pain and blood … Pain in my eye ball ??? Freddy Kruger and his long ass metal fucking fingernails just jumped lunged at me with this long ass spikes of nails and poked me in the left EYE FUCKKKKKK !!!!!!! ok lets break this down quick.

Freddy Kruger
Long ass fingernails
Pain in eyeball
What the fuck

When you are bleeding from the eye ball.. it is extremely difficult to remain calm. So let’s just say that I freaked out a little. After the group I was with realized that something was wrong they all freaked out . And Freddy Kruger really freaked out . So Freddy Kruger got on his walkie talkie device and called management. Management turned on ALL The lights in the entire place. Nobody besides my date group and Freddy Kruger know what the hell is going on.. As I am being escorted by the “medical team” to the back office.. all I can hear is “what is going on?” “turn off the lights” “is that girl bleeding?” “Ohmygod!!!. Is HER EYE BALL bleeding?”

I get looked over by the haunted house low budget rental medical team. My eye ball is fine.. I have a few broken blood vessels in my eye but I am not blind… thank you lord….. I have a cut in the corner of my eye and one above my eye. I do not need stitches.. I will live.. I will see… things are good…

After what felt like an hour, it was decided that I could go home… the manager of the haunted house was in the room while I was being looked over.

I told my date that I just wanted to go home. My date, asked the manager if we could get a refund (because you are broke when you are in 9th grade) and he said unfortunately no, but he would happily give me a pass so that I could return as much as I wanted at no charge. FUCK YOU MANAGER OF THE HAUNTED HOUSE!!!! NO I NEVER WANT TO RETURN. I mentioned that I should call my parents… Freddy Kruger forked over 40 dollars to me on my way out.. he felt really bad……..

I have not returned to a haunted house since.. not once… My husband wanted to take me when we first started dating .. I told him that if he did not mind me wearing a football helmet and safety glasses, I would be happy to go. We STILL have not gone….

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I am me .. that is all there is to it.

I am Fun, Pushy, Unpredictable, Vain, Confident, Expressive, Patronizing, Pompous, Bossy, Courageous, Romantic, Dramatic, Loyal, Determined, Lofty, Stubborn and Exhausted!!

Read at your own risk and Love it!


Jurgen Nation
The Art of Time Suckage
The Morning Meeting
Certifiable Princess
Animal Mind
Much a do about sumthin
Alan thinks
Tiny Voices in my head
My reflecting pool
Weapon of mass instruction



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